


the sweetest sight ever seen

by laminy



Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [24]
Category: American (US) Actor RPF, Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anniversary, Anxiety, Babysitting, Domestic Bliss, Epic Friendship, Family Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Halloween, M/M, Married Life, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 35,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laminy/pseuds/laminy
Summary: Autumn through to winter, the early months of their life together in Perth.(takes place from October 2042 to January 2043)
Relationships: Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee, Rami Malek/Joe Mazzello
Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1438129
Comments: 14
Kudos: 7





	1. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (warning for angst/mourning at the beginning of this chapter regarding the death of a sibling.)

It’s a Wednesday, and Ben has to work, so he has to be at the train station anyway. Though honestly, he would’ve been there to support Rami no matter what. He leaves a few minutes early to meet Rami, Joe, and Sami there, so that he has time to spend with Rami before he goes to Edinburgh. Gwil goes with him as well, having bought a beautiful bouquet of asphodel, forget-me-nots, eglantine roses, rosemary, and speedwell.

There’s no memorial plaque at this station like there is at Harrow and Wealdstone. They contemplated taking the train up, but Rami decided that no, they would stay in Perth. This is where Sami’s train left from, this was his home when he passed. Even if there’s not a designated place for them to put the flowers, this is where Rami wants to honour his memory this year.

“Ninety years,” Rami says softly, looking around the platform. “That’s a long time.”

“It is,” Ben says. None of them are really sure what else there is to say. They don’t want to further upset Rami; they just want to be there to comfort him. And Gwil too, though when they were getting ready this morning, Gwil had insisted that he really didn’t need it. Ben had hugged him anyway, holding him close, until they were almost late.

“Oh, Sami,” Rami says, gently bouncing him in his arms. “That’s you. And it’s him. That’s your uncle.”

Joe rests his hand on Rami, gently squeezing his shoulder. “There was…never—” He blinks, and makes a soft sound, trying not to cry. “As soon as we thought about naming him after you, that’s who he was going to be. There was no doubt in my mind.”

Rami’s tears spill over and he kisses Sami’s cheek, trying to smile. “And it’s a lovely name, isn’t it? Yes, habibi. You’re very lucky to share so many names with so many wonderful people, but he was— yes.” He shifts Sami in his arms. “Maybe we’ll read some more of the journal today.”

“I’m really sorry,” Ben says, looking at Rami. “I’ve never…” He swallows hard, wiping his eyes. “I can’t imagine.”

“Thank you,” Rami says, leaning in to briefly rest his head against Ben’s shoulder. “That means a lot.”

They stand there for a few moments longer; Ben’s aware of the time, and the fact that his train is right there. He doesn’t want to be late for a job he’s only been at for a few weeks, but he doesn't want to press Rami and interrupt either.

“Can I see those?” Rami asks, breaking the silence. He reaches his hand out to Gwil. “I’ll trade you.”

“Alright,” Gwil says. He takes Sami from him, smiling warmly at him as he hands Rami the bouquet. “What’s going on?” he asks, scratching his cheek against Sami’s, making him smile. “Who has you now?”

“Where should we put them?” Rami asks.

Joe squeezes Rami’s shoulder again, and looks around. “Maybe just leave them on a bench,” he suggests.

“But then someone will take them,” Rami says.

“That’s okay,” Joe says, voice wavering. “They’ll take them for Sami.” He leans in, kissing Rami’s temple. “If you don’t look after you put them down, you won’t know. They could have gone anywhere.” 

“That’s true.” Rami shifts on his feet, looking around. He’s trying to see if there’s anywhere else to put them; he thought about throwing them onto the train tracks themselves, but that seems too morbid. Putting them on the ground would be disrespectful. The bench is a good option, the bouquet would be safe there. It wouldn’t get stepped on. Maybe thrown away, but Rami can’t control that regardless of where he puts them.

Next to some of the benches there are potted plants. Mostly pink roses. They’re not as nice as the ones Gwil picked, but they’re still flowers. Someone is clearly taking care of them. Rami turns to gently tug on Sami’s foot; despite the circumstances, he still can’t help but smile when Sami’s squeals. 

“Oh my, what is he doing to you?” Gwil asks, gently squeezing Sami.

Rami waggles his fingers in Sami’s face, and then steps forward, walking over to one of the benches. He shifts some of the roses in the pot out of the way, careful not to break them. He makes room to rest the bouquet there, amongst the other flowers, and he smiles. “There we go,” he says softly. “Right where you can see them.” He sniffles and wipes his eyes, straightening up. 

“You should go,” Joe says, gently nudging Ben. “If you miss the train, you’ll be late.”

“Not yet,” Ben says. “Not until he says I can. I’ll tell them it was an emergency.”

Rami looks at the flowers, spreading them out, and then he nods. “Oh, Ben!” he says suddenly, turning back. “You’ll be late.”

“I’m fine,” Ben says.

Rami walks over and pulls him into a hug. “Thank you for coming.”

“You’re welcome, of course.” Ben groans as he gently squeezes Rami, holding him close. “Will you be alright?”

“I will,” Rami says. “Thank you.”

“I wish I could stay longer.”

“No,” Rami says, “please don’t worry about that.” He smiles, kissing Ben’s cheek. “Get to work, and it’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Ben steps back, and waves at Joe. He smiles at Sami, and leans up to give Gwil a kiss. “See you later.”

“Love you.”

“Bye.” Ben waves again, and glances at his watch, hurrying off towards the train.

They all watch him get on, and then they turn, heading back towards the exit.

“Well.” Joe sniffles. “What’s the plan now?”

Rami looks at his watch. “Can we get something to eat on the way home?” he asks. “Felix isn’t expecting us to call for a little while.”

“What about you?” Joe asks, looking at Gwil. “Should we take you home, or you wanna come over?” Rami and Joe had offered to pick them up that morning, but they drove to the station separately so that the car would be there for Ben when he was done for the day. They each have one car now, having combined Felix’s advice with online reviews and what they thought looked the nicest. Rami and Joe bought an SUV, with plenty of room for Sami and all his things. Ben and Gwil didn’t really care what sort of car they got, so they just bought one with enough legroom and headspace for Gwil to sit comfortably.

“Hmm, what do you think, Sami?” Gwil asks. “Should I come over?”

“What else would you be doing?” Joe asks, and Gwil scoffs.

“I’ll have you know, I’m _plenty_ —”

“Please come,” Rami says softly, and Joe and Gwil both turn to look at him, realizing how serious he is.

“Of course,” Gwil says, smile fading. “I was only joking. Of course I’ll spend the day with you.”

“Thank you,” Rami says. “We have to make a donation today.”

“Right,” Gwil says. “I wouldn’t miss it.” They found a charity that supports the mental health and wellbeing of teachers and educational staff. They’d decided to make a large donation today, in Sami’s memory. 

“Plus Felix will probably want to yell at you about something,” Joe says, and Gwil snorts.

“God, will he ever. When does he not?”

\+ + + + +

They’ve settled into Perth fairly well, though it’s only been about a month so far. Obviously, Ben’s life is drastically different now that he’s working. He occasionally thinks that maybe he really is becoming a morning person, since he has to be up and at the train station for 7:50 every day now. When he gets off the train in Edinburgh, he goes to the same cafe, having changed from Starbucks to a small local chain (except when he needs hot chocolate, then it's a venti all the way). When he’s got his drink, and he’s walking up to the archives, looking at how beautiful Edinburgh is, that’s when he thinks, _oh, I love mornings, I’ve been missing out_.

Then Gwil tries dragging him out of bed on a Saturday, and just…no. Not on Saturdays. That’s Ben’s only rule. Preferably not Sundays either, but he doesn’t want to sleep the whole weekend away, so he allows it. So maybe he’s half a morning person. 

He likes the job so far. _Actually_ likes it. Since he’s still so new, he doesn’t know all the ins and outs, he hasn’t taken on anything too big. So far, he’s mostly helping people who want to come in and look at documents for research; they send in a request, and he helps prepare the materials for them. There’s an ongoing oral history group that he supports. The archives has a blog that hasn’t been updated regularly, so he’s trying his hand at that.

It’s similar to the parts about working at the IIS that he _did_ like, the research and writing. But luckily, fewer presentations, and no shipping off any more people to lose their lives in space. It’s brilliant.

Rami and Joe’s day to day life has changed the least. True, they don’t see Rami’s family as much anymore. But at the moment, most of their day is spent running errands and taking care of Sami. That didn’t change regardless of what city they're in. Rami’s still not ready to leave Sami and go back to work, so it will be like this for a few months longer at least. Augie took a few days to adjust to having so many rooms to run around in. Rami and Joe know that he likes his space, but they don’t like the idea of him spending all his time in a different part of the house, so they put his kitty condo downstairs so he’d visit them more often. They still haven't filled most of the rooms, and there’s nothing at all in the second house yet. They spend most of their time in the living room, where Sami’s little pink cot is, or the sun room, where they watch the sunset. In that way, the house feels quite cozy, and a lot smaller than it is.

Gwil misses volunteering at the library. That’s the biggest difference for him. He hasn’t really started looking for jobs yet, though he knows he should. He has ideas about working in Edinburgh, or even Dundee, but it still feels a bit…much. He wanted to wait until Ben was fully settled anyway. Not that he’s doing _nothing_. He’s painting (and still waiting for Rami and Joe to tell him what to paint in Sami’s room). He’s out in the garden, planting spring-flowering bulbs. He runs, sometimes going the three miles to Rami and Joe’s house. Sometimes he runs back too, sometimes Joe drives him. 

Ben doesn’t see Rami and Joe _every_ day, depending on how tired he is when he gets home; sometimes he only wants to curl up on the sofa with Gwil and the girls. Or get in their amazing new bathtub. But a couple times, they’ve all gone into Edinburgh together to eat lunch with Ben, and go to the shops or a museum. At night, it’s easier for Gwil and Ben to go over to Highpoint, so they don’t disrupt Sami’s bedtime. Sometimes Joe feeds them, or Ben and Gwil bring takeaway, and they spend a couple hours eating together, watching TV.

It’s kind of amazing that the four of them get to live in the same city again. Joe thinks that maybe he was being a little overdramatic; Ben and Gwil probably weren’t going to ditch them and never talk to them again. But! Now they don’t need to worry about it. They could’ve survived living a train ride apart. But they don’t have to.

Gwil and Ben are over at Rami and Joe’s on a Thursday night again. That’s usual because Gwil and Joe are obsessed with some TV show that Rami and Ben only sort of care about. So, they order pizza, and settle into the living room after putting Sami to bed. 

Rami and Joe’s wedding anniversary is next week, and Ben asks them how they plan on celebrating it.

“We haven’t decided yet,” Joe says. “Do we wanna stay in Perth, do we wanna go somewhere else—”

“Do we want to do both,” Rami says, and Joe snaps his fingers.

“Exactly. It’s too hard,” he says. “You know, you only get one first anniversary.”

Ben snorts. “This coming from the man who has _how_ many anniversaries?”

“Okay, _jealous_.”

Rami smiles. “But I think, knowing us— something fun earlier on, a lovely dinner, and then something romantic at night. Right, Joey?”

“Sounds perfect, babe,” Joe says, stretching out his leg to nudge his foot against Rami.

“Something romantic at night,” Gwil echoes. “So…” He smiles. “Do you need to hire our babysitting services?”

“Oh yes,” Ben says. “What day of the week is it again? Should we clear our schedules?”

“It’s Tuesday,” Rami says. 

“Well,” Ben says, “Gwil can take him during the day, and I’ll be home at night. We’ll be alright.”

“What about overnight?” Gwil asks, winking at Rami. 

Rami glances at Joe, then shrugs. “It’s…still soon,” he says, with hesitation. He expects that Gwil and Ben are about to tease him, but neither of them say anything about it, so he relaxes a little. 

“I like the idea of you staying in Perth,” Ben says instead. “Since you met here, got married here. But I don’t know, it’s exciting to think about going away too. Not _away_ on like, holiday, but you know, Dundee for the day? That sort of thing.”

“Tuesday really is like, the _worst_ day,” Joe says. “Who has ever done anything fun on a Tuesday?”

“It’s not as though you two work,” Gwil says. “Hell, go away for a week. We’ll watch Augie.”

“Now that is a perk we did not consider,” Joe says. “Now, instead of getting Nelly to watch Augie while we visit _you_ , you can just watch him your damn self! Babe, let’s recreate our honeymoon.”

“Eugh, not with Sami in the room,” Rami says.

“Not that part,” Joe says. “Though…” He raises his eyebrows. “You were pretty freaky in Italy.” He turns to Ben and Gwil with a large grin on his face. “Did I ever tell you guys how he—”

“Joseph!” 

“I can’t be listening to this,” Gwil says, and Joe laughs.

“I don’t know if we should go away for that long with Sami,” Rami says. “He’s still too young. But I’d love to travel with him later. I hardly saw anything or went anywhere growing up.” He shifts on the sofa. “Maybe I am too overprotective.”

“You’re not,” Joe says. “ _We’re_ not. I was mostly joking, we don’t need to take Sami to Pompeii. I— he’s six months old, that’s a waste of money. I _do_ like the idea of going away, but…hey, we’ll be married for another fifty years, I’m more than happy to just have a nice Tuesday with you.”

“Aww, so sweet,” Ben says.

“Also,” Gwil says, “it’s not— even if you don’t want to leave him overnight, you don’t have a curfew. Stay out as late as you want, then just come pick him up.”

“I wouldn’t want to wake Sami,” Rami says. “Or you.”

Ben smiles. “Thank you, it’s nice to know someone respects my sleep schedule.”

“Then sleep over,” Gwil says. “Not a problem either.” He reaches out for his drink, then realizes it’s empty. “Just a thought,” he says, clapping his hands on his thighs before he stands up, taking his glass. “Can I get anyone anything?”

“Snack me, would you?” Joe asks. “You know what I like.”

Gwil grins. “Oh, you know I do,” he says, walking towards the kitchen.

Ben looks over at Rami. “So, do you want to flirt too?”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Joe says. “Keep it in your pants.”

“Speaking of our anniversary though,” Rami says. “We need to pick a charity.”

“Right,” Joe says. “You gave me the list, I’ll look at it.”

“So, what is the plan?” Ben asks. “Donate to charity on special days?”

“Mm-hmm. Birthdays and anniversaries. And figure out how to go about setting up scholarships,” Rami says. “It takes a lot of work.”

“I can imagine,” Ben says. “The IIS had a couple. I wasn’t really involved, but I—” He waves his hand. “You know, policy considerations. I saw them do it from afar. There was a committee to decide who would get it. How will you decide?”

“I don’t know,” Rami says. “I—” He looks over at Gwil, who walks in with a drink for himself, and a bowl that he hands to Joe. “We’re meeting with people to tell us what to do. And we have to go to the bank to make sure we don’t run out of money.”

“Well, I wouldn’t let that happen,” Gwil says, taking a drink.

“You could always make money from renting the other house,” Ben says.

“To you?” Joe asks hopefully, and Ben shakes his head. “Oh, fine,” he mutters.

“Sadly,” Gwil says, “Ben insists that he is never moving again.”

“It’s true, I’m not.”

“So, Tree Tops it is, lads,” Gwil continues. “You know where to find us for the next…oh, Ben’s young. Sixty-five years?”

“Wow,” Joe says. “Ambitious.”

“I just can’t be arsed,” Ben says. He looks around, then pushes himself up. “I want more food.”

“Snack me?” Joe asks.

Ben frowns. “What— Gwil just brought you food.”

“Yeah, but I want more.”

Ben rolls his eyes, walking past Joe towards the kitchen. 

“That’s why he doesn’t want to live next to you,” Rami says, bringing his foot up onto his seat. 

“Hey!” Joe exclaims, and Gwil laughs. “Is that true?” 

Gwil looks at Rami, who’s smirking, and he takes a drink so he doesn’t have to answer.

\+ + + + +

Rami double-checks Sami’s bag, making sure there’s plenty of everything he might need, even though he knows that Gwil and Ben have their own supply of formula, nappies, and clothes at their house, as a _just in case_. He smiles at Sami, who’s sitting on the floor, and he crouches down in front of him. “Are you ready to go see Uncle Gwil, habibi?” He gently tickles Sami’s stomach, smiling at him. “Are you ready?”

“Just a second,” Joe says. He walks over to his nightstand, tugging open the drawer. He moves a few things aside, and then says, “ah, here we go.” He turns around, smiling at Rami. “Babe, where’s your pin?”

“My—” Rami looks up, confused. Then he realizes Joe is pinning something to his jacket, the rose pin they exchanged at their wedding. He makes a soft sound, and his eyes fill with tears.

“Whoa, babe, are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Rami says. He sniffles and picks Sami up, then sits on the edge of the bed. “I think it’s just—” He smiles, reaching out to gingerly touch the pin on Joe’s lapel. “I can’t believe it’s been a year.”

“It’s been a good year,” Joe says.

“It’s been amazing.” Rami kisses the top of Sami’s head, smiling. “Do you see Daddy’s pin? Look, what’s that?” He points at it. “That’s a rose, habibi. See?”

“Where’s yours?” Joe asks.

“My nightstand,” Rami says, glancing over.

“Okay.” Joe walks over, and he finds the small box. He takes out the pin, then sits back down next to Rami. “What’s Daddy doing See this? Look.” He holds it up to Sami, letting him look at it. “Pretty, huh. It’s pink. Like your crib, see? Nice.” He looks at Rami, and leans in to kiss him, before he carefully pins the rose to Rami’s jacket. “Looking sharp, babe.”

Rami glances down, and smiles. He kisses Joe again. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. _Now_ we’re ready to go, aren’t we, buddy?”

They triple-check that they have everything, and make sure that Augie’s food and water dishes are full. They strap Sami into his carseat, and buckle him in. It’s ten minutes, if that, to Scone Palace. They’re sort of ten minutes from everything, it seems. 

They turn onto Queen’s Drive, driving straight up until they reach the carpark. They take Sami out of his carseat, grab his bag, and walk up to the palace.

“Are you excited, buddy?” Joe asks, reaching out to gently shake Sami’s hand. “Yeah, come on, we’ve got things to show you.”

Scone Palace has a restaurant, the Old Kitchen Restaurant, that serves lunch. It’s a small menu, but since Joe and Rami were there together a year ago, they want to be there with each other again today. They walk in, and are led to their table. The host offers a high chair for Sami, but Rami says they can just hold him.

“This could be a chance to feed him,” Joe says, pulling his chair in closer to the table.

“Hmm.”

“Really,” Joe says. “I’ve been researching it some more.”

Rami smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of Sami’s head. “Daddy loves to talk food.”

“Oh, always,” Joe says. “Anyway, they say the best things to start with are like, banana, steamed broccoli, omelettes, baked apple.”

“Does any of that sound good, habibi?” Rami asks. He reaches out, picking up the menu, holding it where both he and Sami can see it. “Oh, Mediterranean roasted vegetable lasagne. Yes, please.”

“You just don’t want to let go of your little boy,” Joe says. “Watch him grow up, and eat real food.”

“No, of course not,” Rami says, gently tightening his arms around Sami. “And he’s _our_ little boy.”

Joe smiles, reaching out to tickle under Sami’s chin. “I know,” he says. “Looks just like us.” Their server comes over, and they order— they’re doing just two courses, a soup to start and their main. Rami told Joe he has other plans for dessert. Joe settles back in his chair, looking at Rami. “I say we just pick a date and go for it. Feeding him, I mean.”

“Okay,” Rami says. “His six month check-up was fine, so…” He kisses Sami’s head again. “What do you think, habibi? Do you want bananas and omelettes?”

Joe watches them for a few moments longer, about to say something, but he bites it back. Instead, he thinks of something else. “And pasta.”

“Oh, heavens,” Rami says. “Well, Sami is Italian, so.” He lifts Sami up, gently bouncing him up and down on his lap. “What sort of pasta do you want, Sami?” He smiles, then nuzzles him before sitting him back down. “He’s just growing up too fast.”

“I know,” Joe says. “I’m not really a fan either, but, that’s what they do.”

“I know,” Rami says. He looks around the restaurant. “Our wedding food was good.”

Joe chuckles. “Now who likes talking about food? It’s not just me.”

“You like talking about it because you’re always hungry,” Rami says. “ _I’m_ reminiscing.”

“Well, let’s reminisce, then.”

They quietly talk while waiting for their food. Once their soup course comes, Rami sort of regrets not putting Sami in a high chair, but after eating for a bit, Joe takes Sami from him so Rami can enjoy his soup as well.

Their main course comes, and Joe suggests that Rami’s lasagne would make a _great_ first meal for Sami. But Rami protectively moves his plate away, and Joe laughs.

After they eat, they walk out onto the grounds of the palace. “Come on, Sami,” Joe says, carefully shifting him in his arms as they walk over to Scone Palace Chapel. “What do you think?” he asks. He lifts Sami up in the air, grinning up at him. 

Rami takes out his mobile, snapping a couple photographs of the two of them. He smiles, watching them.

“Right here,” Joe says, sitting Sami back down on his hip. “There was a bench right here for our wedding photos. This is where you met all your cousins for the first time.”

Rami feels the stings of tears in his eyes. “That was sweet.”

“It was great,” Joe says. “Do you remember Sami? This is where we got married! You were there.” He looks around, smiling at Rami. “Come here, let’s take a photo.”

“Okay.” Rami walks over, snuggling against Joe’s side. He lifts up his mobile, snapping a couple selfies of the three of them together. Joe kisses Rami’s temple, and Rami’s smile grows. 

“We make a handsome family,” Joe says.

“We do,” Rami says softly, looking at the photos he took.

“Which reminds me,” Joe says. “Christmas cards.”

“Christmas cards,” Rami echoes.

“Yeah!” Joe says. “We need a family portrait for our Christmas photos.”

“Oh,” Rami says, “I— alright. Gwil can take one.”

“We need Christmas sweaters,” Joe says, snapping his fingers, and Rami huffs a quiet laugh.

“Uh, whatever you say.”

“Like, I kind of hate those kinds of families,” Joe says. “But I also now really want to be one. Also, have you heard of family newsletters?” Rami shakes his head. “I’m not sure if they have a different word for it here or not,” Joe says. “But it’s like, new year comes, and we send out a newsletter to all our friends and family telling them what we did this year. A news bulletin?”

“Do people do that?” Rami asks.

“Obnoxious people,” Joe says. “Which I now desperately want to be. Let’s consider it.”

“If you want to do it, you can do it,” Rami says. 

“Some may say you’re too easy-going,” Joe says.

“And I say that if my husband wants to do something that makes him happy, it doesn’t matter how silly it is,” Rami says. He kisses Joe. “Do you want to go to the maze with me?”

“Absolutely yes,” Joe says. They follow the path through the trees to the entrance of the maze; there’s no hurried running around this time, not with a baby. They walk around, chatting to Sami, pretending to ask him which direction they should go. When they find the centre of the maze, Joe cheers, grinning at Sami. “Thanks buddy! You got us here.”

“Such a bright little boy,” Rami says. “Can I?” he asks, reaching his arms out to Joe.

“Of course,” Joe says, handing Sami over to him. He approaches the fountain, looking at the water, then he sits down. 

“What’s up?” Rami asks, looking over at him. He’s gently bouncing Sami in his arms as he walks around the fountain.

“Nothing,” Joe says softly. “Just watching. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Rami says.

Joe wants to say something else, but he doesn’t. He just keeps watching them, taking a couple photos of them like Rami did of him. After a few minutes, Rami looks at his watch.

“We have to take him to Gwil’s if we want to make the train,” he says.

“Okay,” Joe says. He stands up, looking around. “I love it here.”

“So do I,” Rami says. “I’m so happy we got married here.”

“Me too,” Joe says. “And we can come back whenever we want.”

“We can,” Rami says. “How lovely, isn’t it, habibi?” They start walking back to the car, and Joe reaches out to gently ruffle Sami’s hair.

“You get to spend all day with Uncle Gwil! How fun!”

“Is this the longest Gwil’s ever spent with Sami on his own?” Rami asks.

“Sure is, buddy!” Joe says. “He’ll be fine. Come on, let’s go bug him.”

\+ + + + +

“He’s outside,” Rami says, looking out the window. As they drive up the private road towards the house, they can see Gwil outside in the garden. Joe honks, and Gwil turns, startled at first, but then he eagerly waves.

Joe pulls the car to a stop, and they climb out. Joe takes Sami, and Rami grabs his bag, smiling as Gwil walks up along the side of the house to meet them. “What are you up to?” Joe asks. “Planting something nice?”

“Just checking on everyone,” Gwil says. “Trying to plan it all out in my head. What I’d like, what I don’t.”

“Where’s the hot tub going?” Joe asks.

Gwil laughs. “Not at your house, is that the problem?”

“I just want you to know that the knowledge that you and Ben will most likely be having sex in there is not going to dissuade me or prevent me from getting in there under any circumstances,” Joe says. “You’re sharing.”

“That’s fine,” Gwil says. “I— I'm not sure Ben and I are exactly as…public as you think we are—”

“We don’t need to talk about it,” Rami says. “Do you know when you’re going to get it?”

“I think it’s my Christmas present to myself,” Gwil says. He glances toward the door. “Can I interest you in anything, or are you off?”

“Let’s go in and at least say goodbye,” Joe says.

Rami glances at his watch and nods, and the three of them walk inside. “Hello, girls,” Rami says, waving when he sees Mustardseed and Peaseblossom resting by the front door. 

“What do you have planned for the day?” Joe asks. He sets Sami’s carseat down on the floor, and then lifts Sami out.

“Us?” Gwil asks. He reaches up, pushing his hair back from his forehead. “Well, I…bit of a lads day, I suppose.”

“You’re the least laddy lad I know,” Rami says.

“That’s a joke coming from you,” Gwil says, and Rami smiles. “I don’t know! I still need to make lunch, then I’ll take it from there. You aren’t worried, are you?”

“Not at all,” Joe says. “ _Rami_ on the other hand…”

“I’m not either,” Rami says. “Though…this is the furthest we’ve ever been from him.” He looks at Joe. “Is that alright?”

“It’s fine,” Joe says. “Gwil, emergency numbers.”

“It’s just— 999, isn’t it?”

“See, he’s great,” Joe says. “It’s not like when you guys were kids, alright? There are cars and phones now.” He kisses Sami’s cheek, and gently pats his leg. “Are you going to say bye to Daddy? Can you say bye? Say bye-bye. We’ll be back soon, I promise.”

“I’ll text you throughout the day so you know where we are,” Rami says.

“Oh, I—” Gwil’s about to protest it, but then he gives up, knowing it’s futile. “Alright. Should I let you know where we are too? Conservatory, bathroom…”

“We’ll be fine,” Rami says. He turns, smiling at Sami. “We’re going away for the day, habibi, isn’t that fun? We’ll be back tonight, we promise.”

“He’ll be asleep,” Joe says. “Unless he wakes up, he might not see us again for the rest of the day!”

“Are you okay with that?” Rami asks. He shifts on his feet, trying to catch Sami’s eye, but Sami keeps looking off in the distance. “You’re alright with that, aren’t you, yes.” He kisses Sami’s forehead. “We’ll be back. And you like Uncle Gwil.”

“I promise it will be a very quiet day at home,” Gwil says. “And if we go outside, I’ll make sure he’s dressed for the weather. I’ve taken care of plenty of children, you know!”

“I know.” Rami turns, and hugs Gwil. “Have a good day.”

“We will,” Gwil says. “I promise.” He steps back, and gives Joe a quick side hug, trying not to squish Sami between them. “Don’t worry about us, though. It’s your anniversary! Gosh, a year ago today…” He reaches up, scratching his beard.

“What did you think a year ago today?” Joe asks. “That you’d be here?”

“No,” Gwil says. “I…though, now that you mention it.” He smiles faintly. “We were outside the palace, Ben and I, just after we’d had our photos taken, and we were talking. And Ben said something about how one day he wanted a house.”

“And here you are,” Rami says.

“Yes.” Gwil makes a soft sound. “But don’t worry about that, it’s _your_ anniversary.”

“Do you two have plans for yours yet?” Rami asks.

Gwil laughs. “Go celebrate your wedding,” he says, playfully kicking his foot at Rami, trying to hurry him along. “Let me worry about that.”

“Alright,” Rami says. He smiles and waves, and he and Joe both turn towards the door.

“Ahem.”

They freeze, and then Joe turns around. “Whoops,” he says. “Here you go.”

Gwil reaches out, taking Sami from him. “Thank you,” he says. “Say bye-bye.” He waves at Rami and Joe, and Sami’s face crumples as he starts to whine.

“Oh—” Rami steps forward, and Joe puts his hand on his arm.

“He’s okay,” Joe says. “Bye, buddy! Bye, big guy!”

“We love you,” Rami says, waving again.

“We love you too,” Gwil says, and he kisses Sami’s head.

“Bye.” Rami and Joe step back outside, double-checking that neither of the cats have followed them. They get back in the car, and Joe honks the horn as they pull away, driving back down the hill towards the train station.

\+ + + + +

Rami and Joe step out of the Vue Cinemas, and Rami tightens his jacket around him against the slight October chill. He’d told Joe they had to come to Edinburgh for some reason, but he didn’t say why. But they had time for a film beforehand, whatever Rami’s plans were. Always an excuse for popcorn.

“Are you warm enough?” Rami asks.

“Sure,” Joe says, looking around. “What’s up now?”

“I have something for you.”

“Okay. How far are we going?”

“Hmm, twenty minute walk,” Rami says. “Five minute taxi?”

“I’m okay to walk,” Joe says. “What’s twenty…” He looks around, then smiles at Rami. “Are we going to see Ben?”

“No.”

“Oh, okay.”

Rami smiles, bumping his shoulder against Joe’s. “You can go a day without him, can’t you?”

“Ugh, I don’t know,” Joe says playfully. “Living so close to him has really spoiled me.”

“Come on,” Rami says, nodding towards the street. “Let’s go.”

“Lead the way, babe,” Joe says eagerly. They walk past the Scottish National Gallery, and Rami stops to take a couple photos of the view of the street; old stone buildings on one side, trees on the other.

“It really is pretty here,” Rami says.

“It is,” Joe says. “Do you wish we’d moved here?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Rami says. “But I like that we’ll be able to take the train here whenever we like, and we can make sure Sami still sees all the interesting things there are to see.”

“Or we can drive,” Joe says.

“That too,” Rami says.

“ _You_ can drive,” Joe says.

“Just— give me a minute,” Rami says. “I’m still— I know that I _can_ , obviously. I’m an engineer. It’s just hard to explain how odd it is to have to adjust to technology like that.”

“I’m not worried,” Joe says. “I— and you’re right, I don’t really get it. If you wanna hire a private chauffeur—”

Rami laughs, rolling his eyes. “Who said _that_?”

“To drive you back and forth to work every day,” Joe continues. “You know, I’m for it. We’ll look at the budget.”

“Don’t be so silly,” Rami says. “A chauffeur.”

“I like to tease you,” Joe says. “You make it so easy. Come here.” He pulls Rami in to kiss his cheek, and they keep walking, holding hands. “Where are we going?”

“Just a place I— wanted to go to,” Rami says. “It’s not much.”

“Okay,” Joe says. “Let me be surprised.”

“ _I’m_ surprised,” Rami says. “That you haven’t figured it out yet.”

Joe laughs. “Ouch, babe. You can be so mean when you want to be.”

“Whatever,” Rami says, and he laughs as well. They continue through Queen Street Gardens, and Circus Place. Rami knows that the further away they get from the busy part of the city, the more obvious it must be to Joe where they’re going, but Joe hasn’t said anything about it. They keep walking and talking, and then Rami takes a few quick steps forward, turning to face Joe.

“Should I close my eyes?” Joe asks.

“Don’t you remember where we are?” Rami asks.

“Of course I do,” Joe says. “But I can still pretend to be surprised.”

“No, don’t close your eyes,” Rami says. “I only— well. I hope you’re alright with this.”

“Babe, I’m excited,” Joe says. “You know I love cake.” He smiles. “This is sweet.”

“Really?” Rami asks.

“Yeah, of course. Come on.” They walk up the steps to the bakery, and Rami holds the door open for Joe, smiling as he walks past. “My oh my, what a gentleman,” Joe says, and Rami’s grin grows.

“Hi,” Rami says, waving as he walks up to the counter. “I have an order ready to be picked up, it’s under Malek-Mazzello.”

“Of course,” the blonde woman behind the counter says. “I just have it in the back, one moment.”

Rami nods, and looks at Joe, who’s smiling. “It was such a delicious cake,” he says.

“Are you kidding me?” Joe says. “God, it was so fucking good.” He looks around after he speaks, double-checking that there’s no other customers that he might have offended. “Like, fuck me,” he murmurs, and Rami laughs.

The baker comes back out with a white box in her hands, tied with a bright pink ribbon. She sets it down, and then goes to the back again. She comes back with a smaller box, setting that down as well. “Two cupcakes, one cake,” she says. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Joe leans forward, looking at the other cupcakes in the display case. “Mm, no,” he says sadly. “I suppose that’s everything.”

“You don’t need anything,” Rami says. “Just something to carry it, please. If you would.”

“Of course.” The baker attaches a plastic handle to the cake box, and hands Joe the smaller box with the two cupcakes inside.

“Thank you,” Rami says, taking the cake from her, then he grabs some napkins as well. “We’ll probably be back again in another year.”

“Today’s our anniversary,” Joe says proudly.

“Happy Anniversary,” she says with a smile, and Rami and Joe say their thanks and step outside.

“Where should we go?” Rami asks.

“Well, we just walked by a million parks on the way,” Joe says. “Let’s go find one with a bench. Or, hell, we’re in Edinburgh, where do you wanna go? The entire place has a view.”

“I’d suggest we eat them in view of Edinburgh Castle, but…” Rami smiles. “I know how you feel about castles.”

“Well, I feel slightly different about them _now_ ,” Joe says. “Since we practically live in one anyway. We can go there.”

“No, it doesn’t really matter where we go,” Rami says. “Let’s…just around here.”

“Okay.”

They walk back in the direction they came from, finding an empty bench underneath the heavy tree boughs of one of the city gardens. They sit down, and Joe opens the small box. He hands one cupcake to Rami, taking the other for himself. Rami gives Joe a couple napkins, and smiles. He brings the cupcake up to his nose, smelling it. Pistachio rum cake, with orange fig filling, and orange cream frosting. The flavour of their wedding cake the year before, made by the same bakery. The cake in the box is the same; Rami got it so they could take it home and share it with Ben and Gwil. And maybe let Sami have the _tiniest_ bit of frosting.

“Should we cheers?” Joe asks, holding his cupcake up. 

“Sure,” Rami says, laughing when Joe bumps his cupcake against his, saying “clink!” Rami peels back the paper, and takes a large bite.

“Fuck me,” Joe says, and Rami laughs again, his mouth full. “I mean, is it better than I remember it?”

Rami nods, reaching up to wipe some frosting off his lip. “It is.”

“We have great taste,” Joe says. He takes another bite, moaning softly as he chews. He snuggles closer to Rami’s side, then shivers a little. It’s not raining, which is a win for Scotland, but it’s still late October. “This was a great idea.”

“Really?” Rami asks. “Okay, good. I thought it was…sweet.”

“It is.” Joe makes a soft sound, settling back against the bench. “God this is good.”

“Is this the best part of the day?” Rami asks. “The cake?”

“Absolutely.” Joe wipes his mouth with his napkin, then smiles at Rami. “ _And_ spending the day with my husband. Of a year.”

“A year,” Rami echoes softly. “How did that happen?”

“I dragged you into it kicking and screaming and I was never going to let you go.”

“I just mean, it went by quickly,” Rami says.

“I know, I was joking.”

Rami makes a soft sound. “We’ve been married for as long as I was on the Mercury.”

Joe swallows hard, unsure of what to say. He reaches up, propping his elbow up on the back of the bench so that he can gently play with Rami's curls.

Rami makes another soft sound, pressing back against Joe’s touch, snuggling closer to him. “Time is just so odd,” he says.

“I know.” Joe leans in, kissing Rami’s temple. “It’s been a nice year, though.”

“It’s been a lovely year.”

“Can you believe we have a _baby_?”

Rami grins, looking at Joe. “Sometimes no.”

“No, me either. Like, sometimes…well, he’s our Sami. And I love him.” Joe licks some frosting off his finger. “But then sometimes there are moments where I’m like, okay, I’m ready to go out, when are his parents coming to pick him up?”

“It’ll be different when he’s older,” Rami says.

“I know,” Joe says. “But I wouldn't trade this for the world. He’s so little, and happy. He’s great.”

“I hope he and Gwil are having a good day.”

“I’m sure they are.” Joe takes another bite of cupcake, chewing as he looks around. He swallows, then looks at Rami. “Are you sure we’re not here to visit Ben?”

Rami scoffs, playfully pulling away from him. “Why are you so obsessed with Ben? It’s _our_ anniversary?”

“Babe, Ben’s my numero uno,” Joe says, and Rami rolls his eyes. “I’m _joking_.”

“I _know_ , so am I.” Rami smiles, leaning back in. “But no, we’re not here to see Ben. Why?”

“Did we come here just for a cake?” Joe asks. 

“I thought you’d appreciate that,” Rami says.

“Trust me, I do. So, what do we wanna do?”

Rami looks at his watch, thinking. “We do still have some time before we need to be back for dinner.” He looks at the box next to him on the bench. “Though, we do have a cake we need to carry with us.”

“Oh, I’ll take care of that,” Joe says, reaching over to grab it.

“You will _not_ ,” Rami says, and Joe playfully sticks his tongue out. “What can we do here? Or, what would you like to do?”

Joe kicks a small pebble in front of him, shrugging. “We can just go for a walk.”

“That’s all?”

“I just like spending time with you,” Joe says. “But hey, we just had cupcakes. Maybe we should go find a coffee or a tea, and…warm up.”

“Okay,” Rami says. He takes another bite of cupcake. “It’s so good,” he says, mouth full.

“It’s frigging amazing.”

\+ + + + +

Ben has to set his bags down to open the door. Mustardseed is immediately there meowing at him, and he smiles. “Don’t you dare,” he says. “I’m not chasing you around Kinnoull Hill, so you can just forget it.” He grabs his things and gently nudges Mustardseed out of his way so he can step inside. He thinks about calling out to Gwil, but if Sami’s gone to bed early, he doesn’t want to disturb him. “Where is he?” Ben asks Mustardseed as he toes off his trainers. “Where is he?”

He crosses the hallway into the kitchen, setting the bags down on the counter. He looks around, then decides he has to hope Sami's awake. “Hello?”

“Down here!”

Ben smiles, and walks into the conservatory. He goes down the spiral staircase to the lower level, the room that was originally used as a gym, but that Gwil has since started painting in. Gwil’s got a canvas and easel set up, along with his watercolours. And Sami is laying on his back on his play mat, kicking his feet and looking up at the stuffed animals hanging above him.

“Hello, love,” Gwil says, turning towards him. “How was work?”

“It was good,” Ben says. “There's a new exhibition going up in the History of Surgery Museum—”

“Oh yes, you said.”

“So today the curator and I were working on putting together a brochure,” Ben says.

Gwil smiles. “That sounds lovely.” He tilts his head back, and Ben leans in to kiss him. 

“How are you?” Ben asks. “Coming home to you painting and Sami playing, it all feels very…domestic. Like my biological clock is ticking.”

Gwil’s eyes widen in surprise. “Beg pardon?”

“Maybe we should get another cat,” Ben says with a smirk.

Gwil exhales. “Thank god,” he murmurs. “And— sorry. We’re well.” He looks over at Sami. “We’ve had a lovely day together. I’ll tell you about it over dinner.”

“Yes, I’ve got it upstairs,” Ben says. “I got Paco’s, I hope that’s alright.”

“Paco’s,” Gwil echoes, thinking of the restaurants they’ve been to. “So that’s— oh, for the banoffee tart, I assume?”

Ben groans, wrapping his arms around Gwil. “It’s so good,” he says softly.

“I know.” 

“What are you painting?” Ben asks, looking at the canvas. It’s part of the view from the conservatory, mostly trees at the moment. “Oh, that’s pretty.”

“Thank you. I haven’t gotten nearly as much done on it as I wanted, though.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” 

“After I last changed Sami, I put my glasses down, and I haven’t been able to find them.” 

Ben chuckles. “You can’t find your glasses without wearing your glasses.”

“So I’ve mostly just been sitting here, talking to Sami,” Gwil says. “And waiting for you to come home to rescue me.”

“Oh, no,” Ben says, “that’s so sad.” He giggles, pressing a kiss to the top of Gwil’s head, trying to hide his laughter. “My poor Gwil. Wait, how did you get back downstairs then? With a baby in your arms?”

Gwil blinks. “I must’ve been…wearing them then. So when did I take them off?”

Ben frowns, and looks around the conservatory. He snorts, seeing Gwil’s glasses resting about two feet away from him on the new armchair they bought for the room, mostly so Ben could sit and watch while Gwil paints. “What will you give me if I can find them for you?”

“What do you want?”

“Hmm, a shoulder rub,” Ben says, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

“Alright,” Gwil says. “Certainly not a hardship on my part.”

“Alright, deal.” Ben kisses Gwil’s head again, playfully mussing his hair. He takes one step, and reaches over, picking up Gwil’s glasses. “Here you go.”

Gwil’s mouth falls open in surprise, and Ben laughs. “I— well…that’s hardly fair.”

“Don’t blame me,” Ben says. He walks over to Sami, lifting him up, careful to avoid hitting his head on the stuffed animals hanging above him. “Hello. How was your day with Uncle Gwil?” He gently squeezes Sami in his arms, smiling. He looks over at Gwil. “God, I hope you weren’t down here stumbling around blindly.”

Gwil puts his glasses on, blinking a couple times. “No, certainly not. I—” He cocks his head, looking at the painting. “That _is_ nice,” he says softly, and Ben laughs.

“Come on, the food’s getting cold.”

“I’ll be up in a moment, I need to clean up.”

“Okay.” Ben smiles at Sami, shifting him in his arms so that he can hold onto the railing as he walks upstairs. “What about you?” he asks. “More formula for supper? I wish you could have Paco’s with us.” He kisses Sami on the cheek, and then walks over to the corner, grabbing Sami’s high chair. “Let’s just keep an eye on you,” he says, dragging it over to the table. Honestly, Sami’s not even theirs, and they’ve got just as many things for him here as Rami and Joe do. He settles Sami into his chair, and waves at him as he walks over to the counter. “I’m just here,” he says. “Just getting dinner ready.” He glances at the clock, wondering how much time they have before they have to start getting Sami ready for bed. “Oh, plenty of time,” he murmurs. He empties the bags of food, looking over at Sami every few seconds, just to be sure he’s safe.

Peaseblossom meows, winding her way between Ben’s feet. 

“Please don’t trip me right now, Blossom,” Ben says.

“I’ll save you if she does,” Gwil says, walking upstairs.

Ben snorts. “Will you?” he asks. “Can you see now?”

“Ha ha,” Gwil says. “Yes, I can. Thank you.” He stops, looking down at Sami, putting on an exaggerated smile, waving eagerly at him. “Hello!” He crouches down in front of Sami. “Look at you in your nice chair!”

“I was just telling him it’s too bad that he can’t have real food with us.”

“What did we get?” Gwil asks, standing up.

“Prawns to start,” Ben says. He lifts the plate up, handing it to Gwil. “There you go.”

Gwil inhales deeply. “Mmm, delicious.” He turns back to the table, looking at Sami. “Now,” he says. “I’m going to put this plate here, Sami.” He slowly puts the plate down, watching him. “And I know how many prawns are on this plate, so you better keep your hands to yourself.”

Ben smiles, watching them as he plates the rest of their food.

Gwil turns back towards Ben, and then quickly turns around, as if trying to catch Sami. “Alright, I suppose I can trust you then.” He walks over to the refrigerator to find them something to drink.

“For now.”

“Hmm?” Gwil grabs a couple bottles of lager, holding them up to Ben. “Yes?”

“Sure,” Ben says. “And like I said, for now,” he says again. “He’s Joe’s son. As soon as he can take your food, he will.”

Gwil laughs. “That’s— yes, that’s right. Isn't it, Sami?” He walks back over to the table, setting the drinks down. “Do you need help with anything else, love?”

“You can grab your plate, if you want.”

Gwil walks over to do just that, then goes back to the table. He shifts on his feet, trying to decide between sitting beside Sami, or sitting across from him, and what’s the healthiest thing for a baby?

Peaseblossom meows, and Ben sighs. “Yes, I hear you,” he says. “It’s dinnertime, I know. We’re busy.” 

“They can wait until we’re done eating,” Gwil says, deciding next to Sami is best. “Come sit.”

Ben grabs his plate, walking over. He sits down next to Gwil, almost across from Sami, and he smiles. “Well.”

“It is a bit odd, isn’t it,” Gwil says. He opens his drink, taking a sip as he looks at Sami. “I wonder if he’s noticed we’re not his parents.”

“Is he hungry, do you think?” Ben asks, reaching out for a prawn.

Gwil looks at the clock. “No, he’s not due for another feeding until bed. He’s fine.” He smiles and waves at Sami, wiggling his fingers. “How are you? How are you?”

“How was he?” Ben asks. “I mean, actually, during the day.”

“Good!” Gwil says, grabbing a couple prawns as well. “I think he’s very close to crawling.”

“God, he didn’t, did he?” Ben asks. “If he crawled and Rami and Joe weren't here, they’ll kill us.”

“No, not yet,” Gwil says. “Not when I was looking anyway.”

“So, who knows what he was doing when you had your glasses off, right?”

Gwil chuckles. “Yes, exactly. Up and down the stairs, all over the place. No, we…what did we do.” He takes a bite, chewing as he thinks. “Well, we read. We went outside, and I showed Sami the garden. He napped, I tidied up and listened to a podcast.”

“And what was today’s lesson?”

“How butterfly wings get their colour.”

Ben makes a soft sound, smiling. “And?”

“Two sources: ordinary colour, and structural colour.” 

“Mm, I see.” Ben picks up another prawn. “I won’t ask.”

“Well, what about you, Sami?” Gwil asks. He turns to him, explaining the difference between ordinary colour and structural colour in detail. 

Ben doesn’t pay attention to exactly what he’s saying so much as the way he says it, explaining it like Sami is his student. Like Gwil is the professor he used to be. It makes Ben happy to watch.

“Did you get that, old chap?” Gwil reaches his hand out to Sami, then pulls back. “Wait, not while I’m eating prawns. You may have an allergy.” He looks at Ben again. “We can stop the science talk. How was work?”

“Sadly, we received a letter from a woman whose mum died,” Ben says.

“Oh, that’s terrible,” Gwil says. “Anyone you— we— who knew them?”

“No one, really,” Ben says. “But the woman who wrote the letter, she said her mum left the archives a bunch of documents. It was all settled and organized years ago, apparently. So, we already agreed to take them, but I’ll have to go through them to figure out what we can do with them now.”

“Can I ask why you would want them?” Gwil asks.

“Her mum’s mum’s mum’s mum’s mum—” Ben smiles. “Something like that. Awhile ago. She was at— there was a riot at the Surgeons’ Hall, in the 1800s. Her ancestor was there, and she had letters and things about it.”

“That’s fascinating,” Gwil says. “Why did they riot?”

“A group of women wanted to become doctors,” Ben says. “They tried to get into the hall to write their exams. This was back before it was just a museum. People shouted at them and threw rubbish and mud at them.”

“That’s terrible,” Gwil says.

“Yeah, it is. Apparently the museum used to show a musical about the whole thing.”

“A— a musical?” Gwil echoes. He bites on his lip, trying not to smile. “Well. How lovely.”

“I know,” Ben says, smiling. “But yeah, it’s interesting. Might be worth— well. I’ll see what it is, first. They’re going to be delivered in the next few days. Maybe we’ll put on an exhibit, I don’t know.” He shrugs. “I really…don’t know much, I’m still just trying to get settled in, but I really like it.”

Gwil finally smiles. He wipes his hands clean, then reaches out, resting his hand on Ben’s leg. “It sounds brilliant.”

“Thanks,” Ben says. He leans in, giving him a quick kiss. “I— thanks for moving to Perth with me so I could work there.”

“My pleasure,” Gwil says.

Sami starts wiggling in his chair, flapping his arms and hitting the tray. Ben and Gwil pull apart, looking over at him. 

“Sorry,” Ben says, “are we not entertaining enough for you?”

“We apologize for leaving you out,” Gwil says. “Maybe we should have found a toy…” He pushes himself up, looking around. He walks out of the dining room, and Ben smiles at Sami.

“He’s left us, mate.”

“Here we go!” Gwil says, coming back in from the living room. It’s a plastic toy version of an old flip phone. Gwil opens it, and sets it down on the tray in front of Sami. “There we go, entertain yourself with that.” He sits back down, digging back into his prawns.

Ben leans forward in his seat, looking at the toy. “Did we buy that?” he asks. “When did we buy that?”

“No, Joe and Rami sent it with him,” Gwil says. 

Ben smiles, looking at Gwil. “Do you know what it is?”

“Are you making fun of me, love?”

“No.” Ben’s smile grows. “I’m just wondering. It’s alright if you don’t. By the time I was born, they were already out of style, so I don’t expect you to know.”

“I’ve seen them in films,” Gwil says.

“Ah, right.”

“But…” Gwil smiles, watching Sami flap his arm and hit the buttons. “Before I realized it opened, I thought it might have been some sort of…it sort of looked like the thing you use to start the car.”

“Yeah, that’s fair enough.”

They finish eating their dinner, and Ben starts biting his lip, looking at the refrigerator where his banoffee tart awaits. Gwil glances back and forth, chuckling. “How about we get him settled into bed first, and when we eat dessert?”

“Ooh, a real wild night. Alright.” They quickly tidy up the kitchen while Sami sits in his high chair, chewing on the toy. Then they take Sami down the hall to the room they’ve declared his, right next to their bedroom for safety. They change him into his pyjamas, feed him, and then get settled in to read him a couple stories. 

Sami’s just about to fall asleep when they put him down. He makes a soft sound, balling his fists up by his face, and Gwil watches him for a few more moments while Ben grabs the baby monitor.

“What do you want to do?” Gwil asks as they walk down the hallway. “Besides eat, I mean.”

Ben chuckles. “Do you want to watch TV? Or sit in the conservatory?”

“Oh, the conservatory! Let’s look at the lights.” They get their food and drinks, and walk into the conservatory, settling on their new sofa. They snuggle up together, while still balancing their food on their laps.

Gwil watches as Ben takes a large bite of his banoffee tart. “Well?”

“Mmm, don’t talk to me,” Ben mumbles, mouth full.

Gwil laughs. “Sorry, I won’t distract you.” He watches Ben for a few moments longer before he takes a bite of a his own dessert, a pavlova with mixed berries. “You know, love.”

“Hmm.”

“You remind me a lot of Joe sometimes.”

Ben groans loudly, and Gwil laughs again. “I can’t believe you said that.”

“I just think you’ve picked up a few more habits from him than you’d like to admit.”

Ben takes another bite of banoffee tart. “That’s the worst thing anyone’s ever told me,” he says sadly.

“Oh, love.” Gwil snorts, trying to stop himself from laughing at him. “Come here, I’m sorry. I still love you.”

“Okay,” Ben says, snuggling closer to Gwil. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Gwil turns to press a kiss to Ben’s temple, and then he looks back out over the view of Perth, watching the twinkling lights. “This is nice,” he murmurs.

Ben nods, nuzzling Gwil’s arm. “Yeah, it is.”

\+ + + + +

After finding coffee and tea in Edinburgh, Rami and Joe go for a short walk around the city. They don’t look at anything in particular, like a museum or a monument— they both think that maybe they should jump at the opportunity, because something like the Scott Monument, they’re not taking baby up there. But also, they have Ben and Gwil to watch Sami any time they want to go into Edinburgh. It doesn’t take a whole day to visit now, they can be there and back in a couple hours.

Instead, they just talk. About things that they _want_ to do in Edinburgh, some other day. But about everything else too. Or sometimes they’re quiet. They’re lucky in a lot of ways, and one of them is that they actually enjoy each other’s company.

They take the train back to Edinburgh, and drive to the restaurant, leaving the cake safely in the car, with Joe threatening to kill anyone who dares break in to steal it.

After dinner, they climb back in the car, a takeaway container full of leftovers on Rami’s lap. Joe starts driving, and when they cross the bridge, he glances at Rami. “Right to Sami, left to home.”

Rami sucks his bottom lip into his mouth, thinking. Sami’s already asleep, so he’s certainly not missing them. “Home,” he says. “I have something for you.”

“Great,” Joe says and he continues to the left. “I have something for you too.”

“You didn't have to,” Rami says.

Joe reaches out, resting his hand on Rami’s leg. “Well, you didn’t either.”

Rami smiles, resting his hand on Joe’s. “I know, but I like to.”

They keep driving; Perth isn't that big anyway, and they don’t live that far from it, but they really do feel like they live out in the country, isolated from everyone else. It’s a dark drive, with no lights, until they get closer and can see the windows lit up by their neighbours. They left their own front light on as well, so when they pull into the driveway, they can safely see everything. Rami grabs the takeaway and Joe takes the cake, and they walk inside together. 

“Augie, we’re home!” Rami calls out, glancing around as he takes off his shoes.

Joe takes off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket, hanging it up. He crosses the hallway, and flicks the light on in the kitchen. He hums softly to himself as he goes to the refrigerator. He has to push a few things out of the way to make room for the cake, but it fits. “Perfect,” he says.

Rami follows behind him, making room for the takeaway container. “Do you want to pour a glass of wine?” he asks.

“Sure,” Joe says. He looks around, then grabs a bottle of red that they have on the counter. “Just one?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay.” Joe walks over to the cupboards and grabs a wine glass, filling it almost to the top. He takes a drink, and then hands it over to Rami. “What's up?”

“Nothing.” Rami takes a sip of wine as well, shifting on his feet. “Do you want to go upstairs?”

“Do I ever.”

Rami grins, and Joe pats him on the ass as they walk towards the staircase. They head upstairs, and on instinct, they both glance towards Sami’s bedroom as they pass. “Right, he’s not here,” Joe says.

“Right.” Rami takes another drink of wine, and walk into their bedroom. Again, just on instinct (even though they’ve only been there a few weeks now, they’ve settled into their routines and the house pretty quickly), Rami walks over to the windows, looking out over the balcony at the golf course.

“Anything interesting?” Joe asks, sitting down on the bed.

“No, I just like to see.” Rami takes another sip of wine, looking to the left and right. 

“You’re being nosy.”

Rami turns around, smiling. “I just like to see,” he says again.

“Come here,” Joe says, patting the bed beside him. Rami walks over, sitting down, offering the glass up to him. “Mm, thanks.” He takes the glass, and has another drink. “Our day’s almost over,” he says softly.

“That’s alright,” Rami says. “If we want to keep celebrating tomorrow, we can.”

“Oh yeah,” Joe says. “I don’t work, you don’t work. We have a car now, we can go anywhere.” He takes another drink, then hands the glass back to Rami. “So,” he says, reaching out to brush Rami’s hair back. He smiles, and leans in, kissing him. “What should we do with all our free time?”

“Mm, I don’t know,” Rami murmurs, kissing him again. “Oh, just a moment, i don't want to spill my wine.”

“Ha, alright.”

Rami takes another drink and then twists to set the now almost-empty glass down on the bedside table. “What do you want to do?” he asks.

“Well, I can think of a few things,” Joe says. “I have a list, in my head.”

“Oh, do you?”

“Absolutely.” Joe rests his hand on Rami’s waist, tugging him closer. “Should we shower first?”

“Mm, after.”

“Ooh, babe,” Joe says, kissing him, gently nipping at Rami’s lip. “Do you plan on getting me dirty?”

Rami rolls his eyes, pushing himself up to sit on Joe’s lap.

“Oh, hi.”

“Hi,” Rami says softly. He settles his weight onto Joe, kissing him again. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Joe pushes his hands up underneath Rami’s jumper, flexing and digging into Rami’s side as they continue to kiss. 

The only thing they can hear, so isolated from the city, is the sound of their increasingly heavy breathing, and the gentle noises of their mattress as Rami starts rocking against him. After a few moments, Rami pulls back, nuzzling against him. “Thank you for being my husband,” he whispers.

“God, I love you.” Joe groans, surging forward to kiss him again. He grasps onto the hem of Rami’s jumper, starting to tug it up.

Rami pulls back so that he pull the jumper off, dropping it to the floor behind him. He shivers when Joe trails his fingers over his chest. Then Joe leans in to press a kiss to his nipple, and Rami moans softly. He pulls him into another kiss, Joe’s mouth opening under his. After a few moments, he pulls back, meeting Joe’s eyes. He shifts back down onto the mattress, crawling on all fours towards the pillows. 

Joe stands up, and takes off his shirt, dropping it down onto the floor next to Rami’s. 

Rami rolls over onto his back, looking up at Joe. He reaches his hand out to him, and Joe climbs onto the mattress, crawling forward over Rami. He settles on his lap, and leans down to kiss him. Rami bites back on a moan, and Joe licks at his lips, pulling back.

“You can be as loud as you want tonight, babe,” Joe says, “we’re all alone.” 

Rami grins, pulling him back in.

\+ + + + +

They manage to drag themselves into the hot water of the shower. They clean the lube and come off themselves, though it’s mostly the two of them curled against each other, supporting the other. After awhile, before the water gets cold, they get out, wrapping large towels around themselves.

“I do sort of regret that we didn’t get the house with the sauna,” Joe says as they walk out fo the ensuite. “That would be so nice right now. Let’s get a heated blanket.”

“I’m not that cold,” Rami says. “But certainly, if you’d like one.”

Joe starts drying off, going to find a clean pair of underwear. Rami likes to take a few minutes to relax after a shower, and he’s about to sit down in their armchair, but then— “Oh, your gift,” he says suddenly, walking over to their wardrobe. 

“I don’t need it right now,” Joe says, glancing over at him. “But sure, if you want.”

“Oh,” Rami says. “Well, I— we don’t have to, I just thought.”

“Gimme a sec to put a shirt on so I don’t freeze,” Joe says.

“It’s not cold,” Rami says.

“You just say that because you went to space.”

Rami laughs. “What does that mean?”

“It’s cold up there.”

“Yes, but I didn’t go outside.”

Joe picks up the shirts they left on the floor, and he tosses them into their laundry basket. “Okay.” He sits down in the armchair, bringing his feet up.

Rami walks over to Joe with a box in his hands. He rests against the arm of the chair, looking down at Joe. “I…wasn’t sure what we were doing for gifts, or what people do— I wasn’t sure what was too much, or not enough.”

“Babe, I like making you smile,” Joe says. “And I appreciate the thought of a gift. But you never have to worry about what’s not enough for me. I…if you found a rock you thought was cool, I’d…fucking cherish that forever.”

“That’s sweet."

“Same goes for Sami,” Joe says. “Father’s Day, birthday, whatever. He can just sit and tell me a story and it’ll be the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Rami shifts, leaning in to kiss him. “You’re a good person.”

“I try to be,” Joe says. “Gotta make sure I deserve the good people around me.” He kisses Rami again.

“This is for you, then,” Rami says, handing him the box. "I hope you like it.”

“Do _you_ like it?” Joe asks.

“I do.”

“Well, you have good taste,” Joe says, “so, I trust you.” He opens the box, then looks inside, seeing another box— except this one is made of what Joe thinks might be porcelain. It looks like a music box, like one that maybe his grandmother would’ve had when he was a kid. So, a bit dated, maybe not entirely Joe’s style. But nice. It has gold accents, and is painted with sunflowers. It’s bright and pretty.

“I hope it’s not too much like the music box you bought Sami,” Rami says. “I…thought you might like it, I don’t know.”

“Well, Sami and I can both have music boxes,” Joe says. “It’s really nice. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Rami says. “Are you going to open it?”

“Well, that depends. What song does it play?”

Rami playfully shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says, smiling. “You’ll have to open it and find out.”

“Well, okay.” Joe bumps his shoulder against Rami, smiling back. “Let’s see.” He carefully opens the box, listening as the music starts to play. He looks at Rami, then starts to hum. “ _Do, do, do, do, here comes the sun_ ,” he sings softly. “ _Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here. Sun, sun, sun, here it comes._ ”

“We played it at our wedding,” Rami says.

“Oh, is _that_ where I know it from?” Joe asks with a cheeky grin. “I thought it was familiar.”

“I just—”

“I know, I’m teasing, I’m sorry,” Joe says. “It’s really nice.” 

“You like it?” Rami asks hopefully.

“Babe, I love it, thank you.” Joe looks around, and then carefully sets the box down on the floor so that he can wrap his arms around Rami. “I get to hear it and think about walking down the aisle to you. And I can put my secret stuff in it.”

“Your snacks?” Rami asks, and Joe laughs.

“Maybe like…” Joe pulls back, and stands up. “Excuse me.” He walks over to his bedside table, tugging open the drawer. “This!” He reaches inside and then waves a small package in the air triumphantly. “Someone’s anniversary present.” He walks back over to the chair, dropping down. “Now, this…now _I’m_ worried it’s no good.”

“I’m sure it’s lovely,” Rami says. 

“I may have fucked up,” Joe says.

“No!” Rami says. “Oh, no, Joe. I'm sure you didn’t.” He kisses Joe’s cheek. “Can I see?”

“Can I explain something first?” Joe asks.

“No,” Rami says, taking the gift from Joe. “You can explain once I open it.”

Joe sighs. “Fine. You’re lucky I love you.”

“I know that,” Rami says. 

“Snuggle with me at least.”

Rami smiles, and gets in the chair with Joe. It’s a tight fit; they usually just sit there to feed Sami. But Rami snuggles against him, looking at the gift. He unwraps it, finding a velvet bag within. He opens the strings, and slides out a pocket watch. “Wow,” he says softly. “Look at that.” He holds it up, looking at it closely. “I like it.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm.” Rami nods, and kisses Joe. “Thank you. I wonder…will I wear it? I don’t think people wear them much these days, do they?”

“No, not really,” Joe says. “But you could, I wouldn’t judge.”

“Thank you.” Rami turns it over, still looking at it. “So what did you need to say?”

“Three things,” Joe says.

“Wow, that’s a lot.”

“One is that, according to the Internet, clocks are the modern first anniversary gift,” Joe says. “It used to be paper, I still don’t get it. But clocks are in.”

“Oh, alright,” Rami says. “I should have thought to check that sort of thing. What year are music boxes?”

Joe chuckles. “ _Second_ , ha, time pun, is that it’s sort of in honour of your vows,” he says. “About losing time. And cherishing the moments we have together.”

“Oh, Joey.” Rami blinks quickly, hoping to not cry. “That’s…yes, of course. That's so sweet. That’s _so_ lovely. You…wow. Thank you.” He makes a soft sound, gently running his finger over the crown of the watch. “What’s the third thing?”

“That one’s from 1939,” Joe says, and Rami lifts his head up. “Just…I don’t know. Thought it might be…a thing. Like a cool…I don’t know.”

“That’s very thoughtful,” Rami says.

“Yeah?” Joe asks. “Okay, good. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea or a terrible one.”

“No, it’s very good.” Rami kisses Joe, then looks back at the watch. “I wonder who owned it. In 1939, I mean.”

“I wish I knew,” Joe says. “I don’t think it’s like, a celebrity’s watch or anything. Well, it is _now_.”

“I’m not a celebrity,” Rami murmurs, tapping his fingernail against the glass.

“Well. Agree to disagree. But anyway, I think it’s just a regular guy’s watch.”

“I really like it,” Rami says. “Really. It’s lovely.” He clutches it to his chest, smiling. “Thank you. I can’t wait to show Gwil.”

“You’re welcome.” Joe gives him a quick peck on the lips.

“Are you comfortable?” Rami asks.

“I’m good,” Joe says. “But if you wanna watch TV or something, we should probably move.”

“Mm.” Rami snuggles against Joe, carefully putting the watch back in the bag. “What are we doing about Sami?”

“What _are_ we doing about Sami?” Joe asks. “I’m okay with going to get him, you know.”

“I just know that at some point we’ll have to leave him alone,” Rami says. “I try not to worry too much, but…”

“Babe, it’s okay.” Joe smiles. “We can go.”

“I don’t want to be too clingy.”

“Are you tired?” Joe asks, reaching up to brush Rami’s hair back. 

“Hmm, it’s not too late, but I’d probably go to bed in an hour or so.”

“Okay.” Joe kisses Rami’s temple, gently squeezing his arms around Rami’s waist. “Let’s sit for awhile longer, I don’t wanna let you go just yet.”

Rami smiles. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says. “Not ever.”

Joe makes a soft sound, nuzzling his nose against Rami’s temple. “Good. Neither am I.”

\+ + + + +

Joe winces, making a face as he pushes the heavy door open and it makes a soft sound.

“Make sure the girls don’t get out,” Rami whispers, and Joe nods. They step inside, looking around the house. It’s dark except for what little light is shining in through the windows, and they have to wait a second for their eyes to adjust. They take off their shoes, and start quietly shuffling down the hallway towards Sami’s bedroom. 

They already got ready for bed at home, brushed their teeth, and changed into comfy clothes. That way, they wouldn’t have to move around the bathroom and risk waking anyone else up. The door to Sami’s room is still open a few inches, and Joe pushes it open wide enough for them to slip in.

“Oh, let me see,” Rami whispers, padding over to Sami’s cot, looking down at him. He’s asleep on his back, tiny fists up by his face, and Rami smiles. “Hello,” he whispers. “We’re here now, alright?”

“Is he is good?” Joe asks, and Rami nods. “Okay. Hi, buddy, we’re just next door if you need us.” 

“He looks so sweet when he sleeps.”

Joe rests his hand on Rami’s back, and they smile down at Sami, listening to him. “Babe?”

“I know, I know,” Rami says. “I’m just checking he’s alright.”

“Not that,” Joe says. “You’re gonna hate me.”

“I could never.”

“What if I said I want another one?”

Rami straightens up, looking at him with eyes wide. “Pardon?”

“I mean, I _do_ ,” Joe says.

“I—” Rami glances down at Sami, then rests his hand on Joe’s arm. “We shouldn't wake him.”

“No, definitely not.” They quietly walk out of Sami's room, and head into the bedroom next to his— not Ben and Gwil’s, but the third room on that floor. Joe pulls back the blankets on the mattress, then pushes down his sweatpants. He climbs into the bed, looking over at Rami. 

“That’s a big conversation,” Rami says.

“I know,” Joe says. “I thought about bringing it up earlier, but…well, I’m an idiot.”

Rami climbs into the bed alongside Joe, sitting up against the pillows. “I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Joe says.

Rami looks at him. “Really, that’s it? You're not going to argue?”

“What? No, of course not.” Joe pushes himself up, pressing a kiss to Rami’s arm. “You don't know, that’s okay. And also, I did just kind of spring it on you. If we only have Sami, I love him, I love you, I love our family. I’d like a second kid, but if we don’t have one, I’m happy with us just the way we are. And it’s better to just have one if you’re not sure. Otherwise, then we have two and— we don’t really want two.”

“Is this just because we don't want Sami to grow up?” Rami asks.

“No,” Joe says. “The next one will grow up too. I just love being a father, and want to share that with more people.”

“When would we have to decide?” Rami asks.

Joe shrugs, twisting to adjust his pillows, trying to get comfy. “I don’t know,” he says. “When do the embryos go bad?”

“I don’t think they do,” Rami says.

Joe yawns, stretching out. “I probably should have picked a better time to talk about it. I know Sami’s still young. I wouldn’t want another one for awhile.”

Rami makes a soft sound, shifting on the bed. He slides down the mattress, curling up against Joe. “This is a very odd anniversary gift.”

“I try to keep things interesting,” Joe says. “We’ve been married a year, I gotta keep things fresh.”

“How long have you thought about this?” Rami asks, resting his arm on Joe’s chest.

“Awhile.”

“You didn’t say?”

“He’s only six months old,” Joe says. “I didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“We can’t even decide on whether or not we should get another cat,” Rami says, and Joe laughs.

“Well, I think we should,” Joe says. “You know, Augie will learn to love. He loves Sami.”

“Let’s think about a second cat first before we think about a second baby,” Rami says. He yawns, stretching out, nuzzling Joe. “A baby…” He makes a soft sound, closing his eyes.

“Did I ruin our anniversary?” Joe asks softly.

“Never,” Rami says. “It was lovely. A year of being your husband…” He tiredly curls his fingers into Joe’s t-shirt. “Happy Anniversary.”

“I love you.”

“Mm-hmm, love you…”

\+ + + + +

Ben slowly pushes the door open, praying that he’s not about to walk in on anniversary sex. He quickly glances into the bedroom, seeing Joe asleep on his back, Rami stretched out on his stomach beside him. “Should we wake them?” he whispers, looking at Sami. “No, let’s leave them.” He gently closes the door behind him, and walks into the kitchen where Gwil is getting their coffee ready, along with Sami’s bottle.

“How are they?” Gwil asks.

“Asleep. Lucky bastards.”

“Oh, love,” Gwil says, “it’s Wednesday! It will be the weekend soon enough, and you can get all the sleep you like.”

“Ugh, fine.” Ben yawns, and walks over to the counter, grabbing a bagel. 

“Here, let me take him,” Gwil says. He takes Sami from Ben’s arms, and grabs his bottle. He sits down at the table, starting to feed him.

Ben sticks his bagel in the toaster, and leans against the counter. He looks over when he hears a door opening, and he waves when Joe steps out of the bedroom. “Morning.”

“Hey,” Joe says. “Gotta pee, be right back.”

Ben snorts, looks back at the coffeemaker. “Alright.”

The door opens again and Rami walks out, smiling. “Hi.”

“Good morning!” Gwil calls.

“Don’t forget we have multiple toilets if you need one,” Ben says.

“No, I’m alright for the moment,” Rami says. He yawns, walking into the kitchen. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Gwil says. “He’s just eating.”

“We’re all up way too early,” Ben says. He looks back at the coffee, and finally grabs his mug. “Thank god,” he murmurs.

Rami sits down next to Gwil, smiling at Sami. “Hi. How was your day with Uncle Gwil and Uncle Ben?”

“Oh, lovely. Do you want to hold him?”

“No, once he’s done feeding, I will.”

Joe walks back into the kitchen, yawning. “Well, hello people.”

“Morning,” Ben says.

Joe drops down at the kitchen table, looking around. “How is everyone?”

“We’re brilliant,” Gwil says.

“I hope we didn’t wake you last night,” Rami says.

“I think I woke up,” Ben says. “For a second, I thought someone broke in.”

“I would’ve loved to see you kick my ass like I was a burglar,” Joe says.

Ben grabs some cream cheese for his bagel. “I think we know how that would go.”

“Oh, I’m sure we do.”

“Can we get you something to eat?” Gwil asks.

“No, we’ll eat when we get home,” Joe says. “I think. Right?”

“That’s fine with me,” Rami says.

Ben picks up Gwil’s coffee, walking over to the table and setting it down in front of him. “Don't spill that.”

“I’ll wait for him to finish.” Gwil looks at Joe and Rami. “Coffee?”

“We can share it,” Joe says, nudging the mug towards Rami.

Ben walks over to the table with his bagel and his coffee, sitting down. “So, how was the day?”

“We enjoyed it,” Rami says.

“And the film?” Gwil asks.

“Oh, really quite good.”

“Good.”

“Lunch was good,” Joe says. “Dinner was good. We’re all good.”

“Married over a year now,” Ben says. “Any second thoughts? Rami?”

“Just that you were my best man,” Joe says.

“Ha, ouch,” Ben says. “But also, fair.”

“No, of course not,” Rami says. “Never a second thought. Not since he proposed.”

“See,” Gwil says. “True love.”

“Unlike your proposal, right, Gwil?” Joe asks, and Ben rolls his eyes.

“Exactly,” Gwil says. “But I don’t blame him one bit.”

“Good,” Ben says, taking a bit of his bagel.

“You two are probably tired of us,” Rami says.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Gwil says. Ben smirks and doesn’t say anything, so Joe nudges his foot under the table.

“But, if you’d like,” Rami continues, “we have cake at home.”

“Mm, interesting.” Gwil takes a sip of coffee. “Keep talking.”

“If you’d like to come over tonight, we could have a slice together,” Rami says. “Just for an hour or two, I’m sure you’re tired after taking care of Sami.”

“It really wasn’t that hard,” Ben says.

“You put him to bed an hour after you got home!” Gwil exclaims.

“I think we’d love cake,” Ben says. “Don’t you? What sort?”

“Our wedding cake,” Rami says. “We picked it up yesterday.”

“Oh, yes please,” Ben says. “I suppose we can manage an hour or two for some cake.” He looks at Gwil. “Please?”

“Oh, how could I say no?” Gwil asks. “We’ll be over once Ben is done at work.”

“Meet me at the train station?” Ben asks. “Unless you’re plan on going over beforehand.”

“Bring us supper?” Joe asks.

“You just— yes, I suppose,” Ben says. “I’ll pick up pizza.”

“Aww, Benny.” Joe stretches out, wrapping his arm around Ben's shoulder. “You’re the best.”

“Yeah, I know,” Ben says. “I’m glad you had a good anniversary.”

“It was lovely,” Rami says. He picks up the coffee mug, taking a sip. “Do you know about family newsletters?” he asks.

“Eugh, yes,” Ben says. “Why?” He looks over at Joe, who’s grinning. “Never mind.”

\+ + + + +

Over a week later, Ben and Gwil are standing in the bathroom together, getting dressed.

“I feel stupid.”

Gwil looks at Ben, watching him adjust his crown in the mirror. “What, why? I think you look nice. And Rami and Joe don’t care.”

“I don’t know,” Ben says. He takes the crown off again, and fluffs his hair. Then he adjusts his shirt. “Because at first I didn’t want to do anything for it. But now I see you, and knowing Joe, he’s gone all out.”

“Oh, he absolutely has.” Gwil smiles at himself in the mirror, adjusting his hat. 

“Now I feel like a bit of a prick for not putting more effort in.”

“Well, we still have time,” Gwil says. “Not to— go all out, but…maybe I have something you can wear.”

“Something that looks like a king?” Ben asks. “What sort of…do you have clothes I haven’t seen?”

“Well, I doubt that,” Gwil says. “Considering all my clothes are from the last three years I’ve known you. But come on.” He pats Ben on the shoulder, and he walks past him, out of the ensuite into what Stephanie called their _dressing room_. But Gwil mostly just calls their wardrobe. Even though it’s a room. “You’re the history student, love, you probably have a better idea than me…” Gwil starts running his fingers over the clothes he has hanging up. “Come here, try this on.”

Ben ends up in a pair of black trousers, his own; and a long-sleeved dark grey shirt, that belongs to Gwil. Untucked, it’s a bit long on him, which Gwil says helps make it look slightly more like a tunic. Ben also borrows a pair of Gwil’s boots that are a bit taller and more more military looking than anything Ben owns. Finally, he ends up with one of Gwil’s scarves, long and red, sort of draped over Ben’s shoulders, and pinned in place.

“That’s the best we can do on such short notice,” Gwil says. “Are you comfortable?”

“Sure,” Ben says. He looks down at the outfit they’ve managed to put together. “Looks alright.”

“Good, let’s go.”

They say goodbye to the girls, giving them some treats for the day. When they get into the car, Gwil takes off his hat, and Ben accidentally knocks his crown to the ground.

“I’ll hold that,” Gwil says, and Ben smiles.

They pick up some snacks along the way, though Joe has assured them there will be plenty of food. And god, really, there’s only four of them, why do they eat so much? Doesn’t stop them from buying more, though. Ben pulls into the driveway, and they each grab a bag as they head to the front door. Gwil also puts his hat back on, and hands Ben his crown.

“Thank you,” Ben says. He sets the bag down to put the crown on, adjusting his hair. They’re barely at the front door before Rami opens it, and Gwil and Ben both laugh. Rami’s dressed as a bottle of yellow mustard, and Sami, in his arms, is a hot dog.

“Hi!” Rami exclaims. “Happy Halloween! How was work?”

“Brilliant, thank you,” Ben says. “Don’t you look sweet. Hi Sami, hi.” He wiggles his fingers in his face, smiling. They step into the house and Joe steps into the hallway, dressed as ketchup.

“What are you supposed to be?” Joe asks, hands on his hips. 

“I’m Robin Hood,” Gwil says proudly, and he lifts his bow and strikes a pose.

“What about you?” Joe asks.

“Prince John,” Ben says, reaching up to adjust his crown.

“Oh, I see,” Joe says. “Sex thing?”

“Not everything is,” Ben says, walking by Joe towards the kitchen.

“Yeah, but most things are,” Joe says. “And you know people out there— that’s a dynamic. Good guy, evil king…” He winks at Ben. “Well, thank you for coming in costume, I appreciate it. Happy Halloween, and was work okay?”

“Uh…” Ben blinks, setting the bag down on the counter. “Thank you. And work was fine, thank you. There were some _spooky_ sketch classes today. And tonight the museums are open late for a creepy Halloween tour.”

“Ooh, that’s cool,” Joe says. “Thanks for hanging out with us instead.”

“Doesn’t Sami look adorable?” Rami asks.

“He certainly does. Let me see him.” Gwil sets his bag down as well, and then takes Sami from Rami, smiling at him. “Let me see, oh my goodness, looks at your face. Look at you! I could just gobble you up!” He brings Sami’s tiny fist up to his mouth, playfully biting on it. “Yum yum, delicious!”

Ben feels something brush across his leg, and he looks down. Augie drops down onto the floor beside Ben, wearing a green handkerchief tied around his neck. “What’s Augie supposed to be then?” 

“He's the relish!” Joe says.

“Ah,” Ben says. “Makes perfect sense.”

“It’s not like he’d let us put an entire costume on him,” Joe says. “Are you kidding? We’d be dead.”

Ben leans down, picking Augie up, snuggling him. “They say the harshest things about you, mate,” he says, petting him.

“Maybe he just likes everyone but you,” Gwil says.

“Yeah, wouldn’t be the first time,” Joe says. 

“So, what do we do?” Gwil asks, looking around. “Sami’s first Halloween, is this…what happens?”

“Lots and lots of photos,” Joe says. “Lots of food. FaceTime with the family in—” He glances at his watch, and does the math. “Four hours-ish?”

“Sami will be in bed by then,” Gwil says.

“We called Mom earlier,” Joe says. “So she's seen him. This is mostly for us to see the kids before they go trick-or-treating.”

“What else?” Ben asks, setting Augie back down so that he can open a bag of crisps.

“Horror movies.”

“Oh, of course,” Ben says, popping a crisp into his mouth.

“Don’t worry, love,” Gwil says. “Robin Hood will protect you!”

“Mm, brilliant.”

“Will you take photos of us?” Rami asks. “Like, as family? Maybe Augie too, if he behaves.”

“Certainly,” Gwil says. “Do you have your camera?”

Ben keeps eating crisps while Rami and Gwil go off to find the camera. He smiles at Joe, looking him up and down. “So why are you ketchup?” he asks.

“Rami looks better in yellow,” Joe says. “And red goes with my hair.”

“Mm, fair enough.”

“Why, what were you thinking?”

“You turn red in the sun like a tomato.”

Joe snorts. “Gee, thanks.”

They don’t want to take Augie outside, so they take the photos with him in the sun room, for the best light; though it’s getting late, so they’re quickly losing it. Gwil takes the photos, and Ben stands behind him, trying to get Sami and/or Augie to look towards the camera. It works, except Augie gets up and walks towards them a couple times. Then he gives up and collapses onto the floor, falling asleep.

“Let’s go outside,” Rami says. “I have an idea.” They go outside, shivering in the cool night air. But they won’t be long, and Sami’s costume is probably keeping him warm. They turn on the outside lights, casting a warm glow. Rami and Joe sit on the step, between the pumpkins Joe had put out. Sami sits on Rami’s lap, and Joe wraps his arm around Rami.

“I hate to give you compliments, ever,” Ben says, watching as Gwil takes photos of them. “But god, you’re a handsome family.”

“Aww, Benny,” Joe says, smiling wider.

“Thank you, Ben,” Rami says, snuggling closer to Joe.

Gwil takes a few more photos, and then looks at Ben. “Go sit with them, love.”

“No way, not without you,” Ben says.

“Joey, take a couple photos of them,” Rami says, standing up. “I’m going to go find the tripod.” He carries Sami back into the house, and Joe stands up, walking over to Gwil.

“Come on,” Joe says, taking the camera. “Do your…weird cosplay.”

“It’s not weird,” Ben says, and Gwil grins, wrapping his arm around Ben’s waist, pulling him.

“Right, right,” Joe says, taking a photo. “Sexy.”

“I think so,” Gwil says. “Smile, love.”

“I _am_!” Ben exclaims. “It’s cold out.”

Rami comes back out with the tripod and Sami, and they get the camera set up and turn on the timer. They switch their seats, so Gwil and Ben are sitting behind them, since they’re taller. Rami and Joe sit on the step in front of them, and Joe holds Sami in his arms. Once the camera goes off, Rami hops up to check on the photo, and gives them a thumbs up.

“Thank god,” Ben says, “it’s cold. Any more photos we want to take can be inside.”

“Oh, we gotta order pizza!” Joe says. “I want stuffed crust.”

“Olives, please,” Rami says, picking up the camera and the tripod.

They all file into the house, and Joe and Rami head off towards the kitchen with Sami. “How long do we have to stay in fancy dress for?” Ben asks, and Gwil laughs.

“Come on, love,” he says. “It’s Halloween, have some fun.”

“So you’re going to stay dressed like that all night?” Ben asks, looking Gwil up and down.

“And what exactly is wrong with the way I’m dressed?” Gwil asks. “I’m Robin Hood! Besides, I want to show the children! Do you hate Halloween?”

“No,” Ben says. “It was great fun when I was younger. It’s just a bit silly now.”

“Of course it is, love!” Gwil wraps his arms around Ben. “That’s the point. Come on. Was Prince John ever in a Shakespearean play?”

“There was an entire play about him,” Ben says. “ _The Life and Death of King John._ ”

Gwil’s mouth falls open. “Love.”

“No.”

“ _Love_.” Gwil takes Ben’s hand, leading him towards the kitchen. “Lads, Ben’s going to put on a show for us.”

“Oooh,” Joe says. He’s got his laptop open on the counter, putting together their pizza order. “Is it sexy?”

“It’s Shakespeare,” Gwil says.

“Ugh, never mind,” Joe mutters, looking back at his computer.

“I’d like to hear it!” Rami says eagerly. “Don’t you want to hear it, Sami?”

“One line, love,” Gwil says. “Come on, what does Prince John say?”

Ben bites on his lip, thinking. “Uh… _Doth not the crown of England prove the king?_ ” He gestures towards his crown dramatically, bowing.

“Oh, what does that mean?” Rami asks. “What play is it?”

Gwil smiles and pats Ben on the arm. “Lovely,” he says, then he walks over to Joe, looking at the choices for toppings.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Joe says, glancing back at Ben. “I’ve literally never seen you read Shakespeare.”

Ben shrugs. “It’s not like there was anything else to do in Sherborne.”

“Fair enough,” Joe says. “Cheers to that, Prince John.”

Rami and Ben talk Shakespeare, and take Sami upstairs to get him ready for bed. Gwil and Joe finish ordering pizza, and by the time Ben and Rami come back downstairs, Gwil and Joe have moved into the living room with their drinks and snacks.

“Alright!” Joe says, clapping his hands as Ben and Rami walk into the room. “Time to pick a movie.”

“I’m sure you want some trashy Halloween gorefest,” Ben says.

“Actually, _no_ ,” Joe says. “Well, yes. That’ll be next. But for right now, out of respect for our elderly friends—”

“Excuse me?” Gwil says, at the same time that Rami says, “well, that’s just rude.”

“Listen to this checklist,” Joe says. “It’s from 1944, check.” He looks around. “It takes place in Cornwall.” He looks at Gwil.

“Oh, alright,” Gwil says. 

“Also, it has lesbians,” Joe says. “Big check. Are we in?”

“Oh, this sounds brilliant,” Rami says. 

“It really does,” Gwil says.

“Ben?” Joe asks.

“It sounds awesome,” Ben says. “What makes it scary?”

Joe stands up and walks over to the light switch, flicking them off. “Ghosts,” he says, then he starts to make a series of spooky noises.

“How are we supposed to see our food with the lights off?” Gwil asks.

Joe flicks the lights back on. “Good point,” he says. “I don’t want to waste any. Pizza will be here soon!” He drops back down in his seat, smiling. “What did we do last Halloween?” he asks.

Rami frowns, looking over at him. “We were on our honeymoon,” he says.

“Oh shit, yeah,” Joe says. “Whoops!” His smile grows, and he looks around. “Okay, I was going to say how cool it is for us all to be together again and not have to worry about being in different cities, but— last Halloween was probably the best, so.”

“Exactly,” Rami says. “But this is nice too.” 

“It’s fantastic,” Gwil says. “Oh, hello Augie,” he says, leaning down to pick him up.

“What do you think?” Joe asks. “Should we start the movie now?”

“Let’s wait for the pizza to get here,” Ben says. “That way we can get all settled in and won’t have to move.”

Joe groans, stretching out in his seat. “A man after my own heart.”

\+ + + + +

After one horror movie, a break to FaceTime New York and show off their costumes, and then a second film, it’s getting late. Ben yawns loudly, stretching his arms above his head. “Ugh,” he groans softly, cracking his neck. “It’s getting late,” he says. “We should go soon.”

“Wait, what?” Joe asks. “What do you mean?”

“Go home,” Ben says. “That’s what I mean. I was up early today, I need to rest my eyes. Good thing the car can drive itself.” He pushes himself up, then holds his hand out for Gwil.

“But— stay,” Joe says. “Guys, it’s Halloween night, this is when the ghosts and ghouls are out. Who knows what will happen if you go outside. I mean, I’m pretty sure the house next door is haunted.”

Ben shudders. “Great, now I have that to worry about.”

Gwil smiles at Joe as he stands up. “We just live down the road,” he says. “If you’re desperate to see us again tomorrow, we’ll come back once this one’s up. Though, I have to say, Saturday…” He squeezes Ben’s hand. “What do we think, love? Noon?”

“Oh, if that,” Ben says. “We’ll see you lot for dinner.”

“We should go to bed too,” Rami says. He stands up, and starts to collect his dishes.

“But you could stay,” Joe says. “Like old times.” He looks and sounds so hopeful, Ben and Gwil look at each other.

“I…don’t mind,” Gwil says. “I— you might need to borrow something to sleep in. Not sure which one of them will fit the least.”

Ben sighs, looking at Rami, then Joe. “I…you must have an old pair of joggers, yeah?”

“Yeah, of course!” Joe eagerly stands up. “We’ll find something. I think I have a pair that I bought just in case you ever needed anything to wear. Come on.”

Ben looks at Gwil, smiling faintly as he shrugs and lets his hand slip from Gwil’s to follow behind Joe.

“Wow,” Gwil says softly. “What sort of room service…” He looks at Rami. “And do you have anything that fits me?”

“You sleep in your underwear,” Rami says, picking up a plate.

Gwil laughs. “I do. And so, are we allowed to stay?”

“Of course.” Rami smiles up at him, bumping his arm against Gwil. “You’re always welcome here.”

“Even though we live ten minutes away?” Gwil asks. He turns, starting to pick up his and Ben’s dishes and trash as well.

“Yes, always,” Rami says. “We have an entire second house for you to stay in if you want.”

“I bet it’s freezing over there,” Gwil says.

“It is,” Rami says. “And there’s no furniture in there yet.”

“Ha, then I think we’ll stay here.”

“Will the girls be okay?” Rami asks.

“I think so,” Gwil says. “Just one night. We’ll see them tomorrow.”

“Then alright. I’ll let you.”

Rami and Gwil continue tidying up, carrying everything into the kitchen. They leave the dishes in the sink, then walk out into the hallway, where, to access the master bedroom and the guest bedroom, they have to split up— the staircase to the guest bedroom is here, and the staircase to the master bedroom and Sami’s room is at the back of the house. Rami double checks that the front door is locked, then turns back to Gwil. “Thank you for coming to our Halloween party,” he says. “Joe was…insistent.”

“It was great fun,” Gwil says. “I didn’t mind at all.”

“Good.” Rami wraps his arms around Gwil, pulling him into a hug. Gwil tightens his arms around him, lifting him up onto his toes, and Rami giggles. “Goodnight, Gwil.”

“Goodnight.” Gwil lets go of him, smiling. “If you see my partner up there, send him my way, would you?”

“Joe probably wants to keep him,” Rami says.

“Well, if all of you plan on sleeping together, at least send me a message so I know not to worry.”

Rami laughs again. “Okay, I will. Goodnight, Gwil.”

“Goodnight.” Gwil walks towards the staircase, glancing back at Rami. “Everything alright?” he asks, pausing.

“Yes, it’s lovely,” Rami says. “I just…tonight was lovely. I like having you two so close.”

Gwil smiles. “We like being close. And I’ll be just upstairs if you need me.”

“Of course,” Rami says. “Breakfast in the morning? We could go out.”

“I imagine we’ll spend the whole weekend together,” Gwil says.

“Would that be bad?” Rami asks.

“No,” Gwil says. “It’ll be brilliant.” He waves. “Goodnight.” He heads upstairs, and goes into the guest bedroom. He’s about to duck into the ensuite when there’s a loud knocking, and he jumps. He clutches at his chest and startles backwards, hitting the wall. He sees a shadow at the balcony door, and then he realizes that it’s Ben. He hurries over, unlocking the door. 

“Sorry,” Ben says, stepping inside. “I realize now that’s probably sort of creepy, I mean— strange bloke, watching you through the window. Especially after the movie we just watched.”

“It was a bit,” Gwil says. “But I’ll survive.”

“I just figured it was quicker than going downstairs and then coming back up.” 

“It’s alright,” Gwil says. He inhales, looking Ben up and down. He’s changed into a pair of grey joggers and a dark blue t-shirt. “That’s a nice shirt,” he says, reaching out to touch the sleeve. “It fits you well.”

“It’s mine,” Ben says.

“It certainly looks like—”

“No, it’s literally mine,” Ben says. “I don’t know when Joe took it, I have no idea.”

Gwil chuckles. “Well, he has always been a bit odd, hasn’t he? And well, it works out. Should we steal their clothes to keep at our house?”

“No.” Ben crawls forward onto the bed, face-planting into the pillows.

“Ha, alright.” Gwil gets undressed, folding his clothes and leaving them out of the way on the floor. He goes into the ensuite; he doesn’t have a toothbrush there, so he just uses the bathroom and washes his hands before he goes back out into the room. “Are you comfortable like that?” 

“I’m so tired.”

“I know, love.” Gwil climbs onto the bed next to Ben, resting his hand on his back. “But you’re on top of the blankets, and I’m a bit cold.”

“You’re terrible.” Ben groans, and rolls over onto his back. Then he keeps rolling until he’s at the edge of the bed and can stand up. “Fine.”

“Thank you, love,” Gwil says. He pulls the blankets back and climbs into bed, curling up on his side, watching Ben. “Come on, get in here.”

“This is ruining my plans for a lie in,” Ben says, climbing back onto the bed, snuggling against Gwil.

“I won’t wake you up before ten,” Gwil says. “I promise.”

“Everyone else in this house gets up at seven,” Ben mutters.

Gwil chuckles, pressing a kiss to Ben’s shoulder. “Alright, how about eight?”

Ben groans loudly, burying his face in the pillow again. “I’m gonna regret this,” he says, voice muffled.

"Do you wish we were back in Aber?” Gwil asks.

“ _Yes_.”

Gwil starts to laugh, burying his face in the pillow alongside Ben. “Alright, love,” he says, resting his arm over Ben’s back. “We’ll make a plan to move tomorrow.”

“I’m not packing.”

“Oh, trust me, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy March 4! Yes, it was two years ago today that I posted the first chapter of ITBASM (I don't know how that's possible) so I'm here today posting the first chapter of the last part. Because yes, sadly, this is what I expect to be the last part of ITBASM (not ever, but for right now/for awhile, and any future parts would have a time jump).
> 
> Just a couple things to get out of the way, the tags will be updated as chapters are posted, and I'll warn for anything at the start that might be particularly upsetting. Also, as of right now I don't know the exact number of chapters. My plan was for there to be four, one for each month October-January, but November turned into a massive project and will be split into two. So, at least five, but potentially six. That also means these chapters won't be posted on a schedule.
> 
> Other than that, I'll just say thank you to anyone reading this today, or in the future, and I really appreciate the time you all have put into reading this and sharing your comments and being really kind and supportive. Writing this has been a dream! It's not done yet, but it's getting there. I hope you're all safe, and happy, and that you enjoy! Be well.


	2. November - Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (updated tags, warning for anxiety and panic attacks.)

They spend all weekend with Rami and Joe, so Ben has to take a break from people. He’s buried himself under all the bubbles their bathtub can hold, relaxing for the work week ahead. He’d offered to make room for Gwil, but he politely declined. He loves a bath, and even more than that, he loves a bath with Ben. But he knows Ben likes to recharge on his own, so Gwil’s content to sit with the cats in the conservatory. He likes quiet moments on his own too.

He’s got his laptop open, which he still sort of hates. Not _hates_ , but he doesn’t like being stuck to his technology all the time. He knows that’s why Joe likes to make grandfather jokes. Well, that and the cardigans. But despite not wanting to be stuck to his laptop, he is right now. He can’t put it down.

Gwil keeps staring at the website, reading the job posting over and over again. He’ll distract himself for a couple minutes, clicking away to another tab. But then he’ll click back, looking at it. 

_We own twenty-three nature reserves across the UK, including two in Wales and our largest in Scotland…_

_The only UK charity dedicated to conserving wildlife and fungi in their natural habitats and helping people to enjoy and learn about them…_

_We engage people of all ages and abilities in plant conservation and education and give everybody opportunities to enjoy wildflowers…_

He’s never heard of anything like it. He wasn’t even looking for a job— not at this exact moment, anyway. Rami had asked him for a charity to donate to for Gwil’s birthday, in lieu of a gift (though they both knew that was a lie; Joe was _definitely_ still going to get him a gift). He’d just been Googling _plant charities_ , and found this website. Then he’d gone poking around, because he’d never heard of them, and their work sounded so interesting. He’d spent awhile reading about their various conservation projects before he saw the jobs section at the bottom of the page.

And they’re hiring. They’re—

But no. Okay, stop. It’d be the first real job he’s applied for. He’s looked at new places to volunteer, but he hasn’t reached out to any of them yet. But a real job, with a schedule he has to follow, where he can't just go in when he likes…that makes him a bit queasy. He doesn’t like that so much. But…the job sounds _really_ interesting. It sounds like it was made for him. Can he say that? Why does he have to fill out a silly application form? Can’t he just ring them up and say _thank you, this is the job for me_. But he knows that’s not how it works anymore. 

Gwil rubs his stomach, starting to feel nauseous with anxiety. He closes his laptop and sets it down, trying to ignore it. He looks out over the city, watching the sun setting over the horizon. Then he groans as a paw presses into his stomach. “Hello, Mussy.”

She kneads his stomach and digs her claws into his shirt, crawling onto his lap. She meows up at him, and Gwil smiles, starting to pet her. “Yes, how rude of me to ignore you. That’s my fault.” He makes a soft sound, humming as he thinks. He should tell Ben, right? No, not if he’s not going to apply. Is he? Should he? “Bloody hell,” he mutters. “What do you think, Mussy?”

Disappointingly, she does not provide an answer. He goes back and forth on it so many times he feels dizzy. By the time Ben gets out of the bath and walks into the kitchen, all Gwil’s decided is that he’s undecided. He’ll think about it tomorrow.

\+ + + + +

Gwil barely does anything that Monday, except lounge around and look at his computer, refreshing the page to see if the job posting has disappeared. That would make his decision for him, if they’ve suddenly decided to not hire, or have already found someone. Though it lists a date for interviews, and that hasn’t passed yet.

Ben comes home, and they get through dinner without Gwil mentioning that he’s spent all day staring at a website. They have no plans with Rami and Joe tonight, so they end up together in the sitting room, watching TV. Gwil’s laptop is in there with them, and he keeps eyeing it. He feels like an addict. Who invented the Internet anyway, this is foolish.

“I want something to eat,” Ben says. He stretches out on the sofa, then pushes himself up. “Can I get you anything?”

“If you’re getting a drink, can you grab me one too?” Gwil asks.

Ben smiles. “Of course, dear.” He walks out of the sitting room and into the kitchen.

Gwil shifts on the sofa, then looks over at his laptop again, sitting on the table in front of them. He clicks his tongue a couple times, and then reaches over to grab it.

Ben comes back in after a minute or so, a couple of drinks in his hands, a bag of sour sweets squished between his arm and his chest. “Anything interesting?” he asks, handing a drink over to Gwil.

“On my—” Gwil looks at his laptop. “I wanted to show you something I saw earlier.”

“Sure.” Ben drops down next to him, then looks around to grab his glasses. He puts them on, then opens his drink. “What is it?”

Now that Gwil’s actually about to bring it up, he feels a bit silly. Which— he’s not going to apply to a job without telling Ben, so he’s obviously got to mention it to him sometime. But this has been the one thing, the _worst_ thing, the thing he’s felt the most behind on. Volunteering at the library helped, but he hasn’t done that in almost two months. He's back to doing nothing again. He hates that. But he has to tell Ben. He _wants_ to. He tries to remember how excited and interested he felt when he first saw the job posting. “It’s a job,” he says finally.

“Really?” Ben asks. “What sort? I— have you applied, or—”

“No, nothing like that,” Gwil says. “Not yet. I wanted to talk to you about it first. I’m not even sure that I will, really. But I wanted you to see it.”

“Okay, great.” Ben smiles at Gwil, shifting closer to him. “I— let me see, let me see.”

Gwil has to smile at Ben’s excitement, despite his own nerves. “Okay. Uh.” He clicks on the tab that he’d left open, and then turns the computer towards Ben.

“Can I?” Ben asks, reaching out for the laptop, and Gwil nods, so Ben takes it from him. “Okay, let’s… _wild plant conservation charity_. Wow, I’d never heard of this.”

“Neither had I,” Gwil says. “I was trying to find something for Rami.”

“Where’s their office?”

“Stirling. I checked, it’s less than thirty minutes by train.”

“That’s not bad,” Ben says. “I don’t think I’ve been to Stirling, but…close. That’s good. The closing date is really soon.”

“I know.” Gwil shifts in his seat. “It says— write a letter explaining why I’d like to be considered, and enclose a copy of my CV.”

Ben makes a soft sound. “Do you have a CV?”

Gwil shakes his head. “Not a very good one. I started one, but…never got ‘round to it. And you’re supposed to fill out an application form.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe people still do that,” Ben says. “Why do you need a CV _and_ an application form, that drives me…” He opens the application form, looking it over. 

“It asks my reasons for leaving my last job,” Gwil says.

Ben bites on his thumb. “I, uh…well.” He sighs. “I can look at this as your partner. I can look at this as a former co-worker—”

“Well, barely,” Gwil says.

“I know,” Ben says. “I was being generous. _Or_ , I can look at it from someone who used to help review CVs and sit in on interviews.” He snuggles closer to Gwil, resting his hand on his leg. “I’m happy to listen.”

“It looks like it would be a good fit, doesn’t it?” 

“Mm. It really does. Data entry, you can do that.” Ben reads over the rest of the description. “So, basically, you’d be…a teacher.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Gwil says. “I wouldn’t be— no.”

“Well, it says you’d be leading courses on botany and plant science, botanical illustration, and lead children’s workshops,” Ben says. “That’s teaching. So—” He shifts, trying to get comfortable. “So, they’re a charity. Dedicated conservation of wild— what did it say? _Work to protect their future._ And they offer courses. Lifelong learning.” He scrolls down some more. “School programmes. Just in Stirling? It doesn’t seem big enough for that.”

“No, there’s a map,” Gwil says. He takes the laptop back from Ben. “Some of it’s in Stirling— the data entry is at their office, so are a couple of the courses. Some of it’s at Stirling Castle.”

“Oh, it has a castle?” Ben asks, perking up.

Gwil smiles. “And then other courses are at these places here— Crieff Woods, Flanders Moss. A few of them are near here, in Perthshire. See? Loch of Drumellie, that’s only a thirty minute drive. It says it’s one of the UK’s most important populations of Slender Naiad.” He looks at Ben. “It’s an aquatic plant.”

“I figured, in a loch,” Ben says. “So you’d need to learn how to drive.”

“Eventually, yes,” Gwil says. “And I will. But I was thinking that maybe for the time being, Joe could drive me. Just to the places I can’t get to on the train or Stagecoach. And if it's not just me, then maybe someone else at the office will drive."

Ben smiles up at Gwil. “So you’ve been thinking about this. Seriously.”

“I have,” Gwil says.

“When did you see this posted?” Ben asks.

Gwil gently clears his throat. “Yesterday.”

“And you didn’t want to apply then?”

“I don’t know,” Gwil says. “I— it’s a lot. That’s a real, proper job.”

“You worked at the library,” Ben says. “I know you weren’t paid, but— that was a job.”

“But I could go in when I wanted,” Gwil says. “If I didn’t like it, I could leave.”

“As opposed to these people,” Ben says, “who will force you to work there forever?” He looks down. “Sorry, that was rude,” he says. “I— of all people, I shouldn’t be making jokes about…work. Alright. Well.” He scratches his nails over the fabric of his joggers. “I mean, you have the qualifications, I think. And— anything you didn’t, well— okay. Can I be honest?”

“Of course, I want you to be.”

“They’ll probably interview you,” Ben says. “Regardless. I mean, Rami’s an aeronautical engineer, and if he applied, they’d interview him too. People still know your names.”

“I know,” Gwil says softly.

“But if they want to interview you, and you don’t feel comfortable, then don’t. You can decline.” Ben pushes his glasses up. “And I love you, and everyone loves you, and none of us would judge you if you got offered the job, and decided you weren’t ready. Right? I mean, you're the one who told me it was alright to quit the IIS, and I did. And you supported me. I’d support you.”

“You _do_ support me,” Gwil says.

Ben smiles at him. “Alright,” he says. “Good. Do you want me to help you apply?”

“Should I?”

“If you want,” Ben says. “Like I said, you can apply and not take the job. But I don’t think you’ll get offered the job unless you apply.”

“Ugh, you’re always right,” Gwil says, and he leans in to give Ben a quick kiss. “So will you help?”

“Of course I will,” Ben says. He looks at the closing date, then glances at his watch. “It says they expect interviews to be next week, so.” He claps Gwil on the thigh. "I guess we better get to it. I’ll get my laptop so we can tag team it.” He pushes himself up to head down the hallway towards their bedroom.

Gwil smiles when Peaseblossom immediately jumps onto the sofa to take his place. He reaches out, gently petting her head, then scratching under her chin. “What do you think, Blodeuo? Do you think I should apply? You and Mussy would be alone a lot more. Is that good or bad?” Peaseblossom meows, and Gwil chuckles. “I take that to mean good?” He leans in, nuzzling her with his nose. “Well, alright. We’ll see.”

He keeps petting her, until Ben walks back into the sitting room. “Excuse me?” Ben asks. “My seat’s been stolen.”

“Yes,” Gwil says, “but she needs it more.”

“Ugh, whatever,” Ben says. “Fine. I’ll sit over here.” He walks over to their large armchair, dropping down.

“But love,” Gwil says. “How are you supposed to help me all the way over there?”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you traded me in for her,” Ben says. “Send me the link, dear, and I’ll look at it over here.”

“Yes, _dear_ ,” Gwil says, copying and pasting the link. Ben had started saying it as a joke, or a little sarcastically. But now he says it more often, and he really means it. Gwil likes it. It makes him feel warm, and loved. Regardless of how nervous he might have been about applying for the job, he shouldn’t have been nervous to tell Ben. “I can move her, if you’d you like.”

“No,” Ben says, glancing over. “I don’t want to take you away from your girls. Let me see.” He opens the link on his laptop, and shifts in his chair. “Yeah,” he says, scrolling down. “This sounds just like you.” He looks over at Gwil, smiling. “Let’s do this, yeah?”

Gwil nods, feeling more confident now with Ben on his side. “Yeah,” he says, “let’s.”

\+ + + + +

Gwil’s washing his hands in the sink when his mobile starts to ring. He glances over his shoulder, faintly hearing it. “Damn it,” he mutters, quickly drying his hands off. He hurries out of the bathroom and down the hall to grab it from the kitchen counter. He looks at the number, not recognizing it, but he decides to answer it anyway. “Hello?” He gently clears his throat, hoping he doesn’t sound rushed or annoyed.

“Hi, can I speak to Gwilym Lee, please?”

“Hello, this is.”

"Is this _the_ Gwilym Lee?”

Gwil swallows hard, and drums his fingertips on the counter. He’s become a lot more comfortable with that, but he’s all of a sudden hit with the sinking feeling that this might be a— the press, or some creep who’s somehow found his contact information? Maybe he shouldn’t have answered, or at least waited for them to leave a message. “Uh, yes, it is,” he says softly.

“Hi, Mr. Lee,” the woman says. “Forgive me, that was probably a rude way of starting the conversation. But there were just a couple of us here who were a little surprised. My apologies. Hello. My name’s Julia. I believe you recently submitted your CV?”

Gwil inhales sharply in surprise. Though he supposes that Ben was right, even he doesn’t want to admit it— Gwil was always going to get an interview. Even if it’s just an opportunity to meet him. “I did, yes.”

“Are you free for a conversation now?”

_Now_? Well, he wasn’t expecting that. “Yes, I am,” he says, walking over to the dining table, taking seat.

Julia asks him a couple easy questions first— how he found out about the job, what attracted him to the role; he thinks she asks everyone that. She also asks him about salary requirements, but honestly he hasn’t given much thought to it. Really, he doesn’t require much, if anything. But he remembers what was the listed on the website itself, so he just says that. He assumes it must be fair, and they are a charity, so it’s not like they can offer massive salaries. He’s not worried about that.

Then there’s sort of an awkward pause, and he can hear papers shuffling. Probably his CV and application form. It can’t be like any application form she’s seen before.

“My apologies,” Julia says. “There’s a routine to this sort of thing. We really just discuss what you put on your application form.”

So he was right, then. Well, he can’t blame her for being a little thrown off.

“Obviously you have the necessary qualifications,” she continues. “And we all really like that you’ve included botanical illustration under your spare time interests.”

“I’d never been very artistic,” Gwil says. “But I needed a way to fill my time, and then it turned out— well. My mates say I’m rather good at it, but mostly I just enjoy it.” He smiles, looking over at the painting he did for Ben, the one that he got tattooed; they have it hanging in the kitchen here. 

“Can you come in on Monday?” Julia asks. “That’s when we’ve planned to have interviews scheduled. Are you free?”

“I am,” Gwil says. “I— very much so.”

“Is there a time you’d prefer?”

“I shouldn’t think so, no,” Gwil says. “Whatever time works best for you and— whomever else will be attending. I’m quite available these days.” He wonders if that makes him sound desperate.

“Ten?”

“Yes, that’s alright,” Gwil says. He’ll probably go to the train station with Ben, and then just find something to kill the time in Stirling. “Is there anything I should bring, or— proof of my degree?” God, why’d he offer that? How’s he supposed to get proof of a degree he got over a century ago? They might have it on file at the IIS, oddly enough. Who knows.

“No, nothing like that,” Julia says. “I’ll email you after we’re done here. It will have the names of the people who will be sitting in the interview, and there’s a bit more information about the role and the organization that they’d like you to have. There’s one worksheet they’d like you to fill out and bring with you, if that’s alright.”

“Certainly,” Gwil says. “I— alright. Ten o’clock on Monday. That sounds lovely.”

“Does it? Good. We look forward to meeting you.”

Gwil nods, then realizes that— oh yes, he’s on the telephone. “I’m really looking forward to coming in,” he says. “Thank you.”

“Have a good day, Mr. Lee.”

“Thank you, you too. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

They end the call, and Gwil sits frozen in his seat, looking at his mobile in his hand. He has no idea how long he’s sat there for, but at some point he blinks and thinks that he should check his email. He sees the email from Julia, but he doesn’t open it. He just stares at it. Then his mobile locks again, because he’s not doing anything with it, and he feels sort of ill. 

A job. A real job. A real job _interview_. The one he did at the library, that was nothing. There wasn’t competition, he didn’t need to fill out worksheets ahead of time. He just walked in, asked if he could speak to someone about volunteering, and— 

And god, the BIS. They invited him to work for them. It was always a joke before, when he told Ben, but now— well, it’s certainly not prepared him for the real world, that’s for sure. And what’s he supposed to tell them? They’ll ask questions. All sorts of questions that he has no idea how to answer. Julia seemed nice enough, but there was also the hint of— he’s strange. He knows he is. This whole fucking situation—

His chest starts to feel tight, and his eyes fill with tears. He takes his glasses off so that he can wipe his eyes, sniffling. He should be happy, someone wants to interview him! He could have a job!

It sounds absolutely terrifying.

Gwil drops his mobile on the table and pushes himself back, sniffling. He needs— he just needs a shower, or— He walks down the hallway towards their bedroom, face hot as his tears spill over.

\+ + + + +

Ben pushes the door open, setting his keys and his mobile down so that he can pull off his boots. He lifts his messenger bag over his head, and sets it down on the floor before turning to close the door, locking it. “I’m home!” he calls out. He glances around, and doesn’t see anyone or hear anything. It’s surprising, given that Gwil’s usually in the kitchen this time of day (Ben told him he didn’t have to make supper every night, but Gwil’s usually insisted). He’s sure he hasn’t gone far; he might be outside in the garden, and Ben just didn’t notice when he drove up.

Ben crosses the hallway and walks into the kitchen. If supper isn’t ready yet, he can start to figure something out. He opens the refrigerator, glancing around the shelves. He checks the freezer next, making a soft sound. He’s sure he can pull something together, but it’s also really tempting to order takeaway…again. “Oh, you can think of something,” he says softly, drumming his fingers on the door. He knows they’ve got enough food to just toss on a sheet pan and throw into the oven; that’s maybe a half hour. He wonders if Gwil wants fish or beef. “Gwil, are you home?”

Ben listens for a response. One thing he’s sort of given up since they moved in together last year is his independence, in a way; Ben has _no_ problem spending a night alone. So if Gwil’s over at Rami and Joe’s, or out for a run, brilliant, have a great time. He’s just a little surprised that he didn’t bother to send him a message saying as much. That part is very unlike Gwil. 

“He’s probably listening to another podcast,” Ben murmurs. He sighs and turns, walking out of the kitchen, and down the hall towards their bedroom. He steps inside, glancing around. Bed’s made, Mustardseed is right in the middle of it, staring at him as if to question why he’s in _her_ bedroom. “Right, sorry.”

He assumes Gwil must be in the bathroom at this point, and if he’s not, well, Ben has to pee after the train trip home anyway. He turns back towards the wardrobe— it’s still a bit weird that they have to go through another room to get to their bathroom, but he’s getting used to it. 

When he walks into the wardrobe, he hears something and glances over to the corner, doing a double-take. His footsteps stutter, and he gasps. “Gwil?” He drops down onto his knees beside him, resting his hand on his hip. “Gwil, are you okay?”

Gwil’s curled up on his side, knees up to his chest. His glasses are— who knows where, but his eyes are red and puffy, tears staining his cheeks.

“Gwil?” Ben asks. “I— what’s going on? Are you okay?” He reaches out, cupping Gwil’s cheek, gently swiping his thumb over the damp skin. “Can you hear me?”

Gwil sniffles, and he doesn’t look at Ben, but he gives a small nod. He closes his eyes, and more tears spill over.

“Gwil,” Ben says. “I—” He looks around, trying to figure out if— he has no idea what he’s trying to figure out. Gwil’s mobile isn’t anywhere near him, so he can’t look at his messages or call history to see if something happened. He shifts on the floor, getting down onto his side as well, curling up in front of Gwil. He rests his hand back on his hip, gently rubbing it, trying to comfort him. He wonders if he should grab his mobile and call Rami and Joe to find out if something’s wrong, or— god, not Felix. No. But then, if everything was fine, Ben would look like an idiot for not being able to ask Gwil himself, and then Rami and Joe would hurry over, likely with a crying baby, and—

“Did you hurt yourself?” Ben asks softly. “Or is someone else hurt?”

Gwil sniffles again, reaching up to wipe his face. “No,” he says, finally speaking. His voice is rough, thick with tears.

“Okay,” Ben says, still rubbing Gwil’s hip. “That’s good. That’s good.” He shifts, trying to get comfortable, which is a bit difficult considering they’re curled up on the floor without any blankets or pillows, but that’s just how it’s got to be for right now. 

Gwil curls his hands up against his chest, almost over his heart. “It hurts,” he says, shoulders shaking as he continues to cry.

Ben’s immediately alarmed, ready to push himself up and call 999. “Your heart?” he asks.

Gwil nods, his breath hitching. “It aches. I— it’s like I can't breathe.”

Ben looks him over, considering the situation. He doesn't think Gwil needs an ambulance; he recognizes it now. Ben settles back down on his side, watching Gwil. He’s having a panic attack. Why, Ben’s not entirely sure yet, but he can wait. He’ll stay by his side until it passes, and then after as well. But god, how long has Gwil been in here for? “It hurts here?” he asks, reaching out to press his hand to Gwil’s heart.

“Mm-hmm.” Gwil opens his eyes; the bright blue is made even more startling by the tears shining in them. “I can’t— it—” His breath hitches, and he gasps softly. “It won’t go away.”

“Okay, okay,” Ben says, gently shushing him. “Okay.” He presses his hand more firmly to Gwil’s chest, trying to give him a warm smile. Just something to comfort him. “I’ll take it for you, then.”

Gwil frowns in confusion. He sniffles, reaching up to wipe at his eyes. “What?” he asks.

“If it hurts here,” Ben says, starting to gently rub Gwil’s chest. “And it won’t go away, then I’ll take the pain. Tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll help. Did something happen?” Gwil opens his mouth to answer, but then he just keeps crying, so Ben shuffles closer to him, tucking Gwil’s head against his chest. “Alright, alright,” he whispers. “We’ll rest. And you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

He’s not sure how long it’s been; he loses himself in the relaxing lull of Gwil’s breathing against him, and the sensation of gently rubbing Gwil’s side. Maybe they drift off, or maybe it’s just quiet. Maybe it’s twenty minutes later, not that it really matters. He’s starting to feel more than a little hungry, and his stomach gurgles, but he still won’t leave him yet. Although, something to eat might calm him down. Comfort him at least.

“I started to think about work,” Gwil says finally, breaking the silence. His tears have stopped at least, though his voice sounds wrecked.

“Oh,” Ben says. He doesn’t want to take away from whatever Gwil’s feeling right now, but well, if anyone can relate to having a panic attack about their job, it’s him.

“I got a—” Gwil’s breath hitches. “I got an interview.”

Ben lights up, and he wants to smile. He has to fight it back because clearly, Gwil doesn’t think that’s a good thing. But Ben does. He wants to say how exciting that is, but if Gwil agreed, he probably wouldn’t be having a panic attack in their bedroom. “Okay,” he says. “Say whatever you want to say, I’m listening.”

“They rang,” Gwil continues. “She— Julia, her—” He inhales deeply, clearing trying to focus. “They want me to go in on Monday.”

“What did she say?” Ben asks. “Julia? She's the one we emailed your CV to, yeah?”

Gwil nods. “Yeah. She asked me questions about…salary, and how I found the job. Then she asked me to come in on Monday.”

“What did you say?” Ben asks.

“I said yes.”

Ben’s not sure whether he should be surprised or not. He really didn’t know what to expect. “Okay,” he says. “I’m proud of you for saying yes. And I’m really proud you got the interview.”

"You said I would, no matter what,” Gwil says.

“I lied,” Ben says. He reaches out, brushing his fingers through Gwil’s hair. “It’s really, really awesome that you got an interview. They want to meet you because they know you’d be good for the job. But what’s happened?”

“I just got— so overwhelmed, I—” Gwil rubs his chest again. “It started to hurt. I’m not ready, I don’t know what sorts of things they’ll ask, or what they’ll want me to do. They need to me— fill out a worksheet, and print it off to take in.”

“Right.”

“I’m just going to show up there and embarrass myself,” Gwil says. “I’m a sideshow. They just want to see the Mercury Twenty in person, and laugh about how shit I am at computers.”

Obviously, Ben’s heard a lot of this before. Gwil had been nervous before he started volunteering at the library too. But Ben didn’t realize just how much of this Gwil was still carrying around with him. “I don't think you’re going to embarrass yourself,” he says. He keeps gently rubbing Gwil’s side. “There's no reason you should be embarrassed. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re perfectly qualified for the job. If you show up and they’re complete arseholes, that’s not your fault. That’s _theirs_. And you’ll get to walk out of that office knowing that you are smart, and kind, and lovely. And they’ll be stuck with the fact that they’re complete shit for the rest of their lives.”

Gwil sniffles. “She actually sounded quite polite when she rang.”

“Yeah?” Ben asks, and Gwil nods. “That’s lovely. What else did she say?” 

“She liked that I do botanical illustration."

Ben smiles. “Yeah?” he asks again. “That’s good. Are you going to take some in?”

“I don’t…I can’t go,” Gwil says.

“You don’t have to decide that right now,” Ben says. “When did you say it was?”

“Monday at ten,” Gwil says.

“Okay.” Ben leans forward, kissing Gwil’s forehead. “That’s still a few days away, we can talk about it. Or— whatever you’d like.” He closes his eyes, inhaling deeply. “I’m sorry you had to deal with this alone.”

“I’m glad you’re home now.”

“Me too.” Ben has to stifle a yawn; they’ve been laying in a dark room for probably half an hour now, he’s going to fall asleep here if he doesn’t get up soon enough. “If you want, you can go to bed, and I’ll bring you something to eat?”

“God.” Gwil sits up quickly, probably faster than he should, given how long he’s been on the floor. “I should— I don’t have dinner ready.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Ben says. He slowly pushes himself up, giving Gwil a small smile. “I decided about fifteen minutes ago that we’d be ordering Domino’s.” Gwil makes a soft sound, and Ben reaches out, fixing Gwil’s hair. “Do you need to see your doctor?”

Gwil opens his mouth to say something, but then he changes his mind, and just nods. 

“Okay.” Ben leans in, kissing his cheek. “Maybe we’ve both been putting it off too much.”

“Maybe,” Gwil admits quietly.

“Come here,” Ben says, opening his arms to Gwil, pulling him in for a hug. “I’ll support you in whatever, you know that.”

“I do.” Gwil rubs his cheek against Ben’s shoulder, making a soft sound. “My plan was to go have a bath, and try to relax. Just didn’t get that far.”

“Well, go have one now,” Ben says, pulling back. “You get in there and get yourself all sorted, and by the time you’re done, the food will be here. If you want to eat.”

“Not exactly the warm welcome home you were expecting, was it?” Gwil asks, looking down.

“You say that as though you haven’t spent three years taking care of me, and being there when I need you,” Ben says. “I admit, I was confused when I couldn’t find you. And I was scared when I did; I thought you…were sick. But I don’t need dinner ready when I get home just to be happy.” He stands up, then holds his hand out, helping Gwil to his feet as well. “Do you need me to run the bath for you?”

“No."

“And are you okay?” Ben asks. “To be left alone, I mean.” Gwil nods quickly. “Good. Alright. I’m going to change into something that doesn’t smell like the archives, and then I’ll get my laptop.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He leans in to briefly nuzzle against him, kissing Gwil’s neck. Then he pulls away, starting to tug off his jumper.

Gwil goes into the ensuite, running his bath. He lets the water get as hot as he can stand. Nelly gave them some sort of relaxing bath mix, which he thinks it just salt and lavender, so he dumps about half of that in the water, swirling it around.

He’s been in there for maybe fifteen, twenty minutes, when there’s a gentle knock at the door. He looks over, and watches Ben stick his head in. “Hello.”

“Hi.”

“You can come in.”

“Okay.” Ben pushes the door open the rest of the way and slips in, walking over to the bathtub. He sits down on the floor, and rests against the ledge. “Food’s been ordered.”

“Okay,” Gwil says. 

"You don’t have to eat.”

“Alright.”

Ben gives him a small, sad smile, inhaling deeply. “The lavender?” he asks, and Gwil nods. “That’s nice.”

“You don’t have to sit with me if you don’t want to,” Gwil says. “I am safe, love.”

“I know,” Ben says. “But maybe I just like your company.”

“Only maybe?” Gwil asks, and he finally cracks a smile. 

“Just barely,” Ben whispers. He blinks quickly, reaching up to wipe his eyes. “Can I stay? Or is it too much?”

“Never too much,” Gwil says. He inhales deeply, shifting in the water. His eyes feel heavy, and he sinks a little lower. “What did you order?” he asks.

“All your favourites,” Ben says. “Just in case.”

Gwil gently clears his throat, slowly nodding. “Thank you, love,” he murmurs, stifling a yawn. “You always take such good care of me.”

“Of course I will,” Ben says. “Partners, right? That means we’re in it together.” He shifts, pressing himself closer to the side of the bath, as close to Gwil as he can get. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Gwil says, and he lifts his hand out of the water, so that Ben can take it. “Partners.”

\+ + + + +

The next day, Ben is reluctant to leave Gwil alone, but Gwil insists that he go to work, he’ll be fine. Ben wants to stay, and keeps rocking back and forth on his feet, delaying getting ready. But finally Gwil assures him that he’s going to call his doctor as soon as the office opens, and see about getting in to see her. That finally gets Ben out the door, but not before he pulls Gwil in, holding him close.

“If anything happens,” Ben says, nuzzling Gwil’s chest, “anything at all, I’m just a train ride away. I can get here if you need me. And Rami and Joe are right there too. Okay? Let them know if you’re struggling.”

“Okay,” Gwil says. “I promise, love. I’ll take care of myself.”

Ben pulls back, looking up at him. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Gwil says. 

“Let me know if you manage to see your doctor or not, okay?” Ben gives him a quick kiss. 

“I will,” Gwil says. 

“Okay, now I have to go,” Ben says, “or I’ll miss my train.” He grabs his jacket, and his bag. “I love you, really.”

“I know,” Gwil says. “I love you too.”

“Okay.” Ben opens the door, then glances back. “Seriously, ring me, any time. I’ll leave if I have to.”

“I know,” Gwil says. “Have a good day at work.”

“Bye.”

Gwil exhales deeply when Ben leaves, and glances at the clock. He has about an hour before his doctor’s office opens. He tidies up the kitchen, doing their breakfast dishes. He looks in the pantry and the refrigerator, seeing if there are any groceries they need. He thinks about going to sit in front of the easel, but he knows he wouldn’t be able to focus. So he decides on another cup of coffee, and sits down on the sofa with Peaseblossom, gently petting her.

A few minutes after nine, he rings the office, asking if his doctor might be free today or tomorrow. Her schedule is always fairly busy, but Gwil knows she keeps some time saved each day for an emergency appointment. Is it an _emergency_? No. Maybe yesterday it might have been. But he takes the appointment they offer him anyway. It is certainly time-sensitive; the interview is on Monday. That’s only a few days away. He tells himself he should book another appointment for next week, after the interview. He imagines she’ll want to know how it went.

He prints off some information about the job, and the worksheet that he was asked to complete. He’d never even gotten around to looking at it yesterday. It’s one page, only a couple questions. It doesn’t actually look that difficult, but he also knows that looks can be deceiving. He’s a little too worried to actually start working on it now, so he just finds a folder to stick it in.

Gwil makes a grocery list, deciding that he’ll do that while he’s out too. Then he still has more time to kill. He sits in the conservatory with his earbuds in, listening to a podcast. This one is about history’s greatest traitors. At least this one has names he recognizes in it. 

This is part of the reason why he wants a job. To have something to _do_. Certainly, tidying up and listening to podcasts, those are things to do. And mostly enjoy. But Ben’s got a job. Joe and Rami have a baby who relies on them every hour of the day. He really enjoyed volunteering. And he really enjoyed the painting courses he took as well.

Well, that’s something to do. Even if he doesn’t get the job. He goes to the library’s website, to see if they’re offering any sort of courses. The first one he sees posted is a session on starting your own podcast. That’s not really how Gwil wants to fill his time, even if they are his favourite invention of the 21st century.

Gosh, he really needs something to do. He wants to have that purpose he used to have. He can just volunteer again, he knows that. The library has a page on volunteers that he clicks to. The only opportunity available right now is for someone to help train members of the public on how to use computers and other technology. Gwil’s probably not the right person for that. If it weren’t for Ben and Joe, he’d probably _need_ a program like that.

Whatever. He closes his browser, and tosses his mobile to the side, just sitting and waiting until he has to leave.

\+ + + + +

“So? How did it go?”

Gwil gently wipes his mouth with his napkin, and shifts in his seat. Ben hadn’t pressed Gwil about the appointment as soon as he came home, which Gwil had been expecting. He’s thankful, they had time to breathe. Instead, Ben had helped him finish cooking, and talked about his day and the projects he was helping out with at work. “It went alright,” Gwil says. He clears his throat. “I— it was nice to talk to her.”

“Oh, good,” Ben says. “I’m glad.”

Gwil looks at Ben, wondering if he’s going to ask him anything else. Ben’s not nosey, but he certainly likes more information than that. “I can’t remember if I told you,” Gwil continues. “But they want me to do a worksheet, and take it to the interview with me. I printed it off and took it with me today.”

“That’s smart,” Ben says. “Did she help you with it?”

“We looked at it together, yes,” Gwil says. “It didn’t look too difficult.”

“Good.” Ben takes another bite of dinner, a pork tenderloin, chewing. He takes a sip of water, then looks back at Gwil. “Are you going to do it? What did she actually say?”

“I’m not sure yet,” Gwil says.

“Oh. Well.” Ben shifts in his seat. “I just— can I say something?”

“Yes, of course.”

“If you’re going to cancel the interview,” Ben says, “it would be polite to do it ahead of time. Since it’s on Monday morning, by end of day tomorrow should…tomorrow’s soon, though.”

“It is,” Gwil says. “It’s all moving very quickly. That’s— I shouldn’t have applied. It said right there what day the interviews would be on. I should have known it would be too soon.”

“Is that what she said?” Ben says. “That it’s too soon?”

“That it might be better to apply for things with a longer deadline, so that I have more time to get ready.” Gwil takes a drink, and sighs. “I spend all day wishing life was more interesting, and then I apply for one job and everything falls apart. Do you think I should do the interview?”

Ben looks down at his plate, picking at his carrots. “I don’t know,” he says. “If it would make you happy, yes.” He jabs at his food with his fork. “But I can’t tell you what to do, and yes, maybe I’m worried it’s a bit much for you too.” He sits back, sighing. “I can help you with the worksheet, if you want. Otherwise I’m going to have a bath.”

“You’re done eating?” Gwil asks, looking at Ben’s plate in surprise. 

“I don’t have much of an appetite today,” Ben says.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ben says. “It was delicious. I’ll take my leftovers for lunch tomorrow.” He pushes his chair back, and walks his plate over to the counter.

“Go have a bath, love,” Gwil says. “I’ll tidy up.”

“Oh,” Ben says. “No, I— let me help.”

“You worked all day,” Gwil says. “Go have a bath.”

“Okay,” Ben says softly. He takes a couple steps back towards Gwil, but then turns, walking out of the kitchen and down the hallway.

When Ben comes back out later on, wearing a pair of joggers and a hoodie that’s too big, he looks comfortable, but he’s quiet. He still curls up at Gwil’s side, though, snuggling close to him on the sofa. “Do you want help with your worksheet?” he asks after a couple minutes.

“I’m not sure yet,” Gwil says. “Let’s save it for later, alright?”

Ben nods, and pulls his hood up. “Alright,” he says, wrapping his arms around Gwil’s waist. 

“Comfortable?” Gwil asks.

Ben nods again, rubbing his cheek over Gwil’s shirt. “Very,” he murmurs.

Gwil leans down to kiss the top of his head. “Good.”

\+ + + + +

It’s about a thirty minute run from their house to Joe and Rami’s. But Gwil hasn’t seen them the last couple days, and he’s not sure if he and Ben will be going over tonight either. Plus, he likes the exercise, and the view is great.

He knocks on their door, bouncing up and down, shaking out his muscles. He hears it unlock, and he grins, ready for whoever it is. He lucks out, because it’s Sami. In Joe’s arms, but still, Sami. “Hello, there,” he says, reaching out gently touch Sami’s hand.

“Hey, big guy,” Joe says. He leans forward, looking out the door. “You run here?”

“I did!”

“You wanna come in?”

“Of course!”

“Too much energy for me,” Joe says, turning around and walking back into the house.

“Who’s—” Rami sticks his head into the hallway, and immediately grins. “Hi!”

“Hello,” Gwil says. “How are you?”

“Really well now,” Rami says.

“Not before?”

Rami shrugs. “Sami’s teething is…still happening. And now he’s drooling so much that he’s getting a lot of really dry skin around his mouth? Which I suppose isn’t that enjoyable either, so he’s crying about that too, and Joe and I are just…” He smiles. “But you’re here now, and things are lovely.”

“Do you need help?” Gwil asks. “I— I’m sorry we haven’t been around the last couple days. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh, do you need to talk?” Rami asks. "I'd love to.”

“Should we help?” Gwil asks. “I— I’ll watch Sami if you two need a rest.”

“Let’s go for a walk,” Rami says. “Let me get changed?”

“Are you sure?” Gwil asks.

“Sure,” Rami says. “Joey!” He hurries into the living room, where Joe is sitting with Sami on his lap. “Do you want to come for a walk with Gwil and I?”

Joe looks up at Rami, and then sighs. “Not really, no.”

“No?” Rami reaches out, pressing his hand to Joe’s forehead. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Joe says, smiling. “I just don’t want to deal with getting him ready. We’re gonna stay inside where it’s nice and cozy.”

“Okay,” Rami says. “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” Joe tilts his head up, Rami leans down to give him a kiss. “Sami and I are good together. But bring Gwil back, I wanna hang out with him too.”

“Okay, I will,” Rami says. “Habibi,” he says, gently brushing his fingers over Sami’s hair, “Baba and Uncle Gwil are going for a walk but we’ll be back soon, I promise.” He leans down, kissing his head. “It’s a little windy out for you anyway, habibi. Stay inside. I’m going to get changed.”

“Okay.” As Rami leaves, hurrying towards the stairs, Joe shifts on the sofa. “Gwilym!”

“Joseph!”

“You don’t have to hang out out there,” Joe says. “Come in.”

“I’ve got my trainers on,” Gwil says, but he walks into the living room anyway.

“Gwil,” Joe says. “Do I look like the kind of guy who cares that you’ve got shoes on?” He reaches his hand out to Gwil. “I haven’t seen you in…three days? It was Monday? I don’t know days anymore.”

“I haven’t known days in years,” Gwil says, and Joe smiles.

“Look at you all handsome in your running clothes,” Joe says. “Like a real athlete. Look Sami, look at Uncle Gwil.”

“I’ve heard he’s not well,” Gwil says, crouching down by the sofa. “Poor thing. Hello, old chap. What’s this I hear about you crying and drooling?”

“It’s all my life is now,” Joe says. “Crying and drooling.”

“You know Ben and I would watch him any time,” Gwil says. “Any time at all.”

“I know,” Joe says, and he gives Gwil a tired but grateful smile. “Thanks, big guy.”

“Of course,” Gwil says. Though then he realizes, well, if he starts working, it won’t be _any_ time. 

“What about you?” Joe asks. “What do you do outside in the real world, without children to take care of?”

Gwil chuckles. “You mean, what have I have been up to?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

Gwil decides not to tell Joe about the job application yet; not because he doesn’t want to, or he’s trying to hide it. But he knows that if he brings it up now, he and Rami will never get outside for their walk. He’ll bring it up after. “I’ve been working on things in the garden.”

“How much gardening can you do this time of year?” Joe asks.

“Plant bulbs now and they grow in the spring,” Gwil says.

“Oh,” Joe says. He leans forward, pressing a kiss to the top of Sami’s head, inhaling deeply. “I don’t know anything about flowers.”

“I can teach you,” Gwil says. “Come over whenever you’d like.”

“Okay,” Joe says, smiling at Gwil. 

“Are you alright?” Gwil asks. Joe strikes him as particularly melancholic today.

Joe nods, and then he starts to yawn. “Yeah,” he says. “I’m just tired. Stressed. Guilty.”

“Guilty for what?”

“That Mazzello DNA,” Joe says. “Sensitive skin, I guess.” 

“He’s alright,” Gwil says. “Oh heavens, look at him. Hi, Sami.” He wiggles his fingers in Sami’s face, seeing if he can catch his attention.

“I’m ready!” Rami says, walking back into the room. “You’ll be alright?” he asks, looking at Joe.

“Just peachy,” Joe says. “We’re going to rest.”

“Yes, take care.” Rami leans down, pressing a kiss to the top of Sami’s head, then he leans in to kiss Joe. “We won’t be long, I expect.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joe says. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Gwil stands up, and Joe reaches his hand out to grab Gwil’s. “Yes?”

“Love me too?” Joe asks.

“Oh, of course,” Gwil says. “You’re my best mate.”

“Thanks,” Joe says, and Rami smiles, walking towards the front door.

“How cold is it?” Rami asks, glancing out the window as he pulls on his trainers. 

“Not terribly,” Gwil says. “You’ll be alright.”

“Good.” Rami pulls on a jacket, and glances back over his shoulder. “Bye!”

“Bye!”

“Come on,” Rami says, opening the door. He starts bouncing as soon as he’s outside, a wide smile on his face.

“You seem excitable today,” Gwil says.

“I am,” Rami says. “My best mate is here, I’m outside.” He inhales deeply. “The air is fresh.” They start walking around the side of the house, heading up towards the road. “I wouldn’t say we’ve been stuck inside,” Rami says. “But we haven’t gotten out much this week.”

“You have a lot of energy to burn off,” Gwil says.

“I do!” Rami sprints a few feet ahead, then stops to look back at Gwil. “Come on!”

“Oh, are we running?” Gwil asks, and he starts jogging after him.

“Sure, why not?”

Gwil chuckles, and they fall in line alongside each other, running down the street. There isn’t much civilization past Rami and Joe’s house, but there is a small gate leading towards one of the many walking paths, so Rami and Gwil run up that. You can follow it up a hill to an obelisk that looks out over Perth, but they don’t go quite that far today. In amongst the trees, they slow down, and catch their breath to talk. They catch up on Sami, and Nelly, and they talk about the most recent conversations they had with Felix. They talk about the mural in Sami’s room, which hasn’t been started yet only because Rami can’t decide if it should be more flowers or something else. Joe trusts Gwil to do whatever he wants, so he’s leaving it up to them.

They talk about the children, and the gifts they each sent back to New York for Matthew’s birthday. Then they move onto the topic of Gwil’s birthday, and Rami says, “you were supposed to send me a charity to donate to on your behalf.”

“Oh, I— yes,” Gwil says. “I was.”

“Did you find one?”

Gwil reaches up, scratching his beard. “I did.”

“Oh, lovely,” Rami says with a smile. “What sort of charity is it?”

“Wildflowers,” Gwil says.

“That’s perfect!” Rami says. “Oh, how lovely. Show me the website when we’re back home, please.”

“Of course.” They keep walking, and Gwil looks down, watching his feet. It’s a comfortable silence; it always is with Rami. They could say nothing at all and be perfectly happy together. Still, he knows he should say something. “Can I tell you something?” Gwil asks, looking over at Rami.

“Anything,” Rami says. “Always, of course. You know that.”

“I’ve got a job interview.”

Rami stops right where he is, and reaches out, lightly smacking Gwil on the arm. “You haven’t!”

Gwil has to smile. “I have.”

“No! I—” Rami looks Gwil up and down, then grins. “You didn’t say! Where did you apply? When— wow. You know, it’s a very good thing you’ve come over today. Actually— we need something special to eat so you can sit and tell me all about this.”

“Not everything has to be an occasion,” Gwil says.

Rami scoffs. “Well, first of all, that’s not true. Secondly, I bet Joe would just love to cook for us.”

Gwil’s not sure about that; when they left, Joe was half-asleep with a baby in his arms. “He’ll just order in.”

“That’s his choice!” Rami says, and Gwil chuckles. “Is it alright— oh, should we not tell Joe? I…is it a secret? Is that why you didn’t tell me?” He glances back down the path, in the general direction of the house. Then he reaches out, taking Gwil by the arm. “Come on,” he says, “back this way. I can’t wait!”

By the time they get back, Joe has Sami in bed for a nap, while he’s curled up on the sofa with the TV on. “Joe!”

“Mm!”

“Gwil has news!” 

Joe pushes himself up, walking out into the hallway where Gwil and Rami are taking off their shoes and jackets. “News?” he echoes. “I— you went for a run, what sort of news is there out there?”

“He has a job interview!” Rami exclaims, and he walks into the kitchen. “Do we have anything good to eat?”

“At the moment?” Joe reaches up, scratching his head. “Uh…frozen lasagne.” He looks at Gwil. “We haven’t been cooking a lot.”

“Don’t worry,” Gwil says. “I don’t mind. Also, I don’t need food— it was Rami’s suggestion.”

“A job interview,” Joe says. “I— okay, I gotta hear about this.”

They put the lasagne in the oven, and settle in around the kitchen table with drinks.

“So, where is it?” Rami asks. 

“Well,” Gwil says. “Uh— the wildflower charity that I told you about.”

“Oh, really?” Rami asks. “Gwil, that’s so sweet.”

“What’s this? A charity?” Joe asks.

Gwil nods. “They protect wildflowers and fungi, and they— well, the job was sort of for a…not a teaching job. But they offer day-long courses, or children come from local schools to learn about plants, and gardening, or…illustration.”

“It sounds perfect,” Rami says.

“So what’s the problem?” Joe asks.

“How did you know there was one?” Gwil asks.

Joe smiles. “I wasn’t born yesterday, big guy.” 

“What's the problem?” Rami asks, looking back at Gwil. “There’s a problem?”

“It’s not a…problem, per se,” Gwil says, shifting in his seat. “Except how terrible it's going to go, and how nervous I am.”

“Oh, no,” Rami says. He reaches out, taking Gwil’s hand. “Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

“I’m still not sure that I’m going to go,” Gwil says. “But Ben says— and he’s right— that if I cancel, I should tell them ahead of time. So, I’ve given myself until the end of today to let them know.”

“That’s fair,” Joe says. “Tell them another opportunity came up. That way you don’t burn any bridges.”

“I saw my doctor,” Gwil says quietly, looking down.

“You did?” Rami asks, and Gwil nods. “It had been awhile, hadn’t it?”

Gwil nods. “She knew I moved back here, of course. But I— well, I felt alright, so I didn’t keep going.”

“That’s alright,” Rami says. “What did she say?”

“That she understood why I was scared,” Gwil says. “I’ve got no idea what to expect at an interview. And that I’ve gone so long without any real structure in my day that the idea of having a schedule is…nerve-racking.” He looks at Rami. “You must be able to relate. Though, I know you went to uni.”

Rami glances at Joe, then shrugs. “I can,” he says. “I…well. I know since we have Sami I wouldn’t be working right now anyway, but yes. I’m terribly nervous about going back, when I finally do.”

“She also said that she wishes it wasn’t all moving so quickly,” Gwil says. “I only saw the job a couple days before applications closed, so I didn’t really have time to prepare for an interview, or practice. She did think maybe I should consider doing some sort of…prep course before I start interviewing.”

“Do you think it’s going to be like a real interview?” Joe asks.

“Well, I don’t really know what that is, Joe,” Gwil says. “That's the point.”

“Sorry,” Joe says. “Uh, let me rephrase. There’s two types of interviews— one is like…strengths, weaknesses, technical stuff. Then there's the ones where they already know they're going to give it to you, and they basically just invited you in to say hi.”

“Well, that one sounds lovely,” Rami says. “I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

“Really though,” Joe says. “I see this only as a good thing. You go in, and either you get a job, which is cool. Or you get practice. And that never hurts.”

“Didn’t the people— you and Ben went to that place in London,” Rami says. “You spoke to them and they helped Ben decide he wanted to do archival studies. Did they have anything for you?”

“I only went that one time,” Gwil says. “I mostly just went to support Ben. At the time, I wasn’t imagining ever working again. And now here I am, with a job interview on Monday and I have no idea what a job interview even _is_.”

“That might be an advantage,” Joe says. “All your answers will be honest.”

“Aren’t all your answers honest?” Gwil asks.

Joe smirks, and shrugs his shoulders, and Rami’s mouth falls open .“Joey!” he exclaims. “Did you lie to get your job?”

“ _Lie_?” Joe repeats. “No, of course not! But everybody has some bullshit answers.”

“Like what?” Rami asks.

“Like…they ask you what your weaknesses are,” Joe says. “But nobody wants to actually admit what they’re bad at because then they won’t get the job. So, you know… _oh, some may say that I care too much. My weakness is that I’m a perfectionist._ ”

Gwil and Rami look at each other, and Rami snorts. “I wouldn’t believe that.”

“Well, good thing you don’t work in HR, then,” Joe says.

“Well, they must know it’s shit too,” Rami says. “Why do they even ask then? They won’t get a truthful answer. You care _too_ much? That’s ridiculous.”

“Wow, babe,” Joe says. “You know, my lying to the IIS pays for this house!”

“Oh, and I suppose my going to space for a century had nothing to do with it?”

Joe snaps his fingers. “But here’s the key,” he says. “When you tell them your weakness, you also gotta tell them how you’re working on improving. Gwil, what’s your weakness?”

“I—” Gwil glances back and forth between Rami and Joe. “I don’t suppose my depression or anger issues is the right answer.”

“Definitely not,” Joe says. “No, your weakness is, obviously, that you’re trying to adjust to life in the 21st century. And that sometimes means that a new technology, a new program, you might need longer than someone else to understand it. _But_ , you’re working and improving. And the difference between now and when you first got back is huge. But that’s just one part of the job, and you’ve got all the other qualifications.”

Rami smiles. “That does sound quite good,” he says. “And it’s all true.”

“Is your supervisor at the library going to be one of your references?” Joe asks. Gwil nods. “Then great! She can talk to them about how your computer skills improved. What would you say is a strength?”

“And this is where I should tell them the truth then?” Gwil asks.

Joe grins. “I mean, some people may do a _little_ fibbing now and then—”

“Joseph, are you even qualified for your job?” Rami asks.

Joe laughs. “Babe, don’t get so wound up. Yes, okay, they love me, I’m fine. Gwil. Strength.”

Gwil tilts his head to the side, thinking. “I don’t…know how to phrase it. I can’t really just say— well, I’m bloody good at my job.”

“Probably not,” Joe says. “But…” He clicks his tongue. “I mean…works well under pressure, right? I—” He waves his hand between them. “Like… _oh, my strength is that the British government entrusted me with the fate of the entire country. Works really well in enclosed spaces and the vastness of the universe._ ”

“Willing to try new things!” Rami says quickly. “You ate the fruit on Luyten!”

“That’s true,” Gwil says.

“Has Ben helped you out at all with this?” Joe asks.

Gwil looks down at the table. “He…I’m not sure he wants me to go.” Ben hadn’t said that, but it’s the impression Gwil had got yesterday, when they were eating dinner and Ben had lost his appetite. 

“What?” Joe asks.

“That doesn’t sound like him,” Rami says. “He— I can’t imagine that.”

“He’s worried,” Gwil says. “And he’s right to be, I— I had a panic attack.”

“Oh dear, are you alright?” Rami asks.

“Yes, I…am,” Gwil says. “I think so. It was quite bad. He found me, crying at home. Honestly, I— didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t…but talking about with my doctor, and with you both, it’s helped.”

“Are you going to do it then?” Joe asks. "Go to the interview, I mean.”

Gwil swallows hard, glancing at his watch. “Their office closes in a couple hours,” he says. “If…I’d have to ring them now, to say I decline. Monday morning is too late.”

“It is,” Rami says. “Your— at that point, you'd have to go.”

“I mean, I haven’t talked to Ben about this, obviously,” Joe says. “So I don’t know what his actual thoughts are, but I’m guessing— he’s not going to be _upset_ if you do the interview. He just wants to make sure you’ll be okay. He’s probably worried.”

“I know,” Gwil says. “And I think I want to, but…I’m terrified too.”

“I understand,” Rami says. “But we’ll help, at least. I promise.”

“I didn’t come over just to talk about me,” Gwil says.

“We’re tired of talking about each other,” Joe says. “I can’t wait until Sami can add a little something to the conversation.”

“He’s not wrong,” Rami murmurs. Then he smiles. “We don’t have to keep talking about just the interview, if it makes you nervous. But we missed having you around.”

Gwil nods. “I can tell. We’ll spend the weekend together, I promise.”

“Oh, good,” Rami says, reaching out to pat Gwil’s arm.

\+ + + + +

After they eat their sort of late lunch, early dinner, Gwil helps tidy up and sits with Sami for awhile, before he decides that it’s time to head home.

“Do you want me to drive you back?” Joe ask.

Gwil looks out the window; it's not raining or snowing, so it looks about as nice now as it was when he ran over. “No, that’s alright,” he says. “But thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Joe asks. “It’s like, three miles.”

“I’m fine,” Gwil says. “Besides, I like the fresh air.”

“Okay,” Joe says, sounding unsure, like he can’t really imagine someone _enjoying_ being outside. 

“So, we’ll see you this weekend?” Rami asks.

“I don’t know why you wouldn’t,” Gwil says. “We’ll come over. Or, you can come to us, if you’d like.”

“I just meant,” Rami glances at Joe, “if you and Ben are fighting…”

“I don’t think we’re fighting,” Gwil says. “Heavens, I hope not. No. Just a conversation. I’ll tell him I’m doing the interview.”

“We won’t expect you tonight, then,” Joe says.

Gwil smiles. “No,” he says, “probably not.”

“What about on Monday?” Rami asks. “Oh— would you like us to come with you? We can go on the train together. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Stirling.”

“Babe,” Joe says. “I—” He looks at Gwil. “We don’t have to come.”

“I’ll think about it,” Gwil says. “But don’t worry, please. I— at the very least, I know how trains work.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow then?” Rami asks hopefully.

“Yes,” Gwil says. “I promise. I’ll be off. Let me know if you have any ideas for how to spend our time.”

“We will,” Rami says. “Have a good night!” They hug, and Gwil waves, and then he’s back out, running home. When he gets in, he checks on the cat food, then goes to have a shower. He gets changed into some comfy, warm clothes, and tidies up around the kitchen. He’s still a bit full from his meal at Rami and Joe’s, but he starts getting dinner together anyway.

By the time Ben comes home, the office has been closed for an hour already, so there’s certainly no cancelling the interview now. Gwil had told himself that he’d speak to Ben about it as soon as he came home, but once he actually sees Ben, he can’t bring himself to do it. He knows that Joe is right, it’s not that Ben doesn't want him to go, it’s that he’s worried about him. But he doesn’t want it to turn into a whole big thing. And also…well, Gwil’s a bit stubborn. Maybe more than a bit. Okay, a lot. And he hates the idea that Ben might be right, that maybe he shouldn’t go. It only makes him want to go even more. 

“Hello,” Ben says, walking into the kitchen. He sets his bag down, then wraps his arms around Gwil’s waist.

“Hello, love,” Gwil says, reaching up to start playing with Ben’s hair. “How was work?”

“It was a nice day,” Ben says softly. “How was yours?”

“Good,” Gwil says. “I went for a run.”

“To Rami’s?”

“Maybe,” Gwil says, and he smiles.

“That’s so far,” Ben says, stepping back. He leans against the counter so that he can look at Gwil. “And back?”

Gwil nods, turning back to the stove.

“Oh god,” Ben says. “That’s too much. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I like it,” Gwil says. “Besides, helps my endurance.” He winks at Ben, and Ben smiles, rolling his eyes. Gwil chuckles.

“What’s for supper?” Ben asks, looking at the stove.

“It isn’t much, I’ll be honest,” Gwil says. “Lunch was quite big. Joe made a lasagne.”

“Hmm, of course he did,” Ben says. “Walking stereotype that bloke is. So what’s this?” he asks, reaching out for the pot on the stove.

“Buffalo chicken dip,” Gwil says. 

“Ooh.”

“And there’s chicken in the oven. Got ground beef,” Gwil says, nodding towards the pan. “Some vegetables. Thought maybe just a big plate of nachos.”

“I like the sounds of that,” Ben says. “Yummy.”

“Yeah?” Gwil asks, and Ben nods. “Okay, good.”

“I always like what you cook,” Ben says. “And I just…appreciate that you do it at all. You don’t have to, you know.”

“I know,” Gwil says. “But by the time you’re home, it’s already so late. I’d hate to make you do the cooking as soon as you walked in.”

“Plus you’re secretly starving,” Ben says, “so you just don’t want to wait.”

“That might be true too,” Gwil says.

“Was it a nice day?” Ben asks. “God, when did we last see them?”

“They want to spend the weekend with us,” Gwil says.

“Yes, absolutely,” Ben says. “I feel horrible.”

“Don’t,” Gwil says. “It’s only been a few days. They seem tired, but okay.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “I’ll message them, see what they want to get up to.”

“Maybe I should have saved the nachos for tomorrow,” Gwil says. “That would have been a nice treat.”

“It is,” Ben says. He leans up, kissing Gwil’s cheek. “We deserve a treat too. Do I have time to shower?”

“Go for it,” Gwil says.

“Okay, love you.”

“I love you too.”

Ben snuggles against Gwil for a few moments, inhaling deeply, before he pulls away, heading down the hallway.

Gwil looks back at the stove, making a soft sound. He wants to tell Ben that he’s going to do the interview. He should. And he will, obviously. But maybe they can have a nice night together. If it’s going to be an argument, he wants to put it off.

\+ + + + +

Their night is spent curled up on the sofa, eating, snuggling, watching TV, and kissing. Obviously they haven’t been up for much the last couple days, so it’s a pleasant surprise when Ben crawls onto Gwil’s lap, pulling him close, and rocking against him. Then again when they get into bed together, and after that, the two of them sleep like the dead.

The next morning, Gwil looks up as Ben walks into the kitchen. “Oh, hello,” he says. “I’m surprised to see you up.”

“It’s not that early,” Ben says, stretching his arms above his head. “Besides, I’m going to be productive today.”

Gwil raises his eyebrows. “What sort of productive?”

“Tidy up a bit,” Ben says. “Get it out of the way.”

“What’s brought this on?” Gwil asks.

“Well, we’re having people over for your birthday,” Ben says. “I want it to look nice.”

“I can help,” Gwil says, ready to push his chair back, but Ben just waves him off. “Are you sure? Do you want a coffee or anything first? You haven’t even eaten.”

“I know,” Ben says. “But I really think if I delay— it won’t get done. I won’t be too long. I’ll let you make me a coffee when I’m done.”

“Well, alright,” Gwil says. “I— uh, don’t forget about us seeing Rami and Joe today.”

“Of course not!” Ben says cheerily. He drums his fingers on the railing of the staircase. “Just let me know when!”

“Love!”

Ben stops on the stairs, turning back. “Yeah?” he asks.

“Are you alright?” Gwil asks. 

“Yes,” Ben says. “I know, it seems a bit odd. But I swear, I’m good.”

“Well, come here,” Gwil says, sitting back in his chair.

“Yeah?” Ben asks. He walks back over to the dining table, looking down at Gwil. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Gwil says. “But good morning.”

Ben smiles. “Good morning.” He leans down, giving Gwil a kiss. “How are you?”

“Better now,” Gwil says.

“Good.” Ben kisses Gwil’s forehead, and straightens up. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

“Alright,” Gwil says, going back to his book.

Ben goes downstairs, walking down the hallway. They don’t really spend that much time down here, so whenever he does come down, it sort of feels like he’s in a brand new house. He hasn’t had time to get used to it.

He does plan on tidying up some; since people are coming over for Gwil’s birthday in a couple weeks, he knows there will have to be a tour. Which is exciting, he definitely likes showing it off. But also, he hid Gwil’s birthday present down there a few days ago (trying to get a gift delivered when Gwil is almost always home, annoying), and he wants to make sure it stays hidden, which he can’t do if Gwil’s down there helping him clean up.

Also, Ben’s not sure what Joe’s getting Gwil as a gift, but he did drop some hints that they would have to make room for it, so Ben’s doing that too. Considering it’s a Saturday morning, he is more productive than usual, but he wasn’t lying when he told Gwil that if he didn’t do it now, he probably never would.

He doesn’t really keep track of the time while he’s down there, but it’s over an hour before he’s finally finished. Ben groans as he walks upstairs, wiping his forehead. When they had moved in, they stuck a few boxes on the lower level, and hadn’t bothered unpacking them. So, he did unpack a few things, and reorganized the other boxes so that he can at least know where everything is. And then he hoovered the bedrooms, thinking about what colours the walls could be painted. Right now, they’re all the same cream colour— fine, especially since they don’t use them, but it might be nice to have some pops of colour somewhere. What can they use those rooms for…

Mustardseed hurries up the stairs past him, and Ben stumbles a little, grabbing the railing. “ _Please_ do not kill me, Mustard. Daddy can’t handle that today.” He watches her run across the kitchen, and then hears the sound of Peaseblossom running around as well, and he smiles. “Yes, have fun, girls!”

Ben walks over to the cupboards to grab a glass, filling it up at the sink. He gulps it down, and sets the glass in the sink. He pinches his t-shirt, pulling it away from his chest, fanning himself to cool down. He walks down the hallway towards the bedroom, realizing he doesn’t know where Gwil is. “I’m having a shower!” he calls out.

“Alright!” Gwil shouts, and Ben smiles. Maybe the sitting room? That's where he goes to find Gwil after he’s dried off and changed, walking down the hallway. He sees Gwil sitting on the sofa, laptop open, so he walks over and drops down next to him. 

“Hello,” Gwil says, and Ben snuggles next to him. “I bet you’re regretting being up so early now, aren’t you?”

“I am tired,” Ben admits. “But I might survive. Plus, tomorrow’s Sunday. It’s not like I go to church, I can sleep then.”

“Fair enough,” Gwil says. 

“Are you doing anything interesting?” Ben asks. He resists the urge to look at Gwil’s screen; he hated when Paul used to do that. 

“I am…” Gwil makes a soft sound, looking at Ben. “I’m checking train schedules for Monday.”

“Monday?” Ben asks. “What’s— oh.”

“Joe helped me with the interview yesterday,” Gwil says.

“He did?”

Gwil nods. “Not a lot, it wasn’t— he just gave me a couple answers to questions they might ask.”

“That’s brilliant,” Ben says. “I’m sure they’re good, Joe’s quite bright. So you’re going to do it?”

“I think so,” Gwil says. “And it’s too late for me to cancel now, so…yes.”

“Alright,” Ben says. “That’s good.”

“Rami and Joe offered to go into Stirling with me, but I haven’t…agreed to that,” Gwil says.

“Well, I can go,” Ben says. “I can take the day off too. Or at least the morning. Go in with you, and then head into Edinburgh. If you’d like.”

“No, I—” Gwil inhales deeply, shaking his head. “No, that’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Ben asks. “I want to be there for you in case—”

“In case I break down again, you mean,” Gwil says.

Ben doesn’t say anything. He just watches Gwil, and then gives a small shrug. “There’s no shame in that.”

“I know.” 

“It was just a panic attack,” Ben says. “Not— I didn’t mean _just_ , I meant— obviously it was serious.”

“I know what you mean, love,” Gwil says softly. “Don’t worry.”

“Well, I am,” Ben says. “You’re my partner, and the person I love, and you were really upset, I— more than I’ve seen you in…” He reaches up, scratching his neck. “A long time. If you’re not ready to go back to work, you don’t have to. Or you can do something smaller, like— the library here. Volunteer there. Keep easing yourself back into it. Or just— that can be what you do. You retired, you volunteer at the library. When Rami goes back to work, you can spend more time helping Joe with Sami. And— there's no shame in it.”

Gwil doesn’t reply. Instead, surprisingly, he lifts his hand up to his mouth. He's about to bite on his thumb, until Ben reaches out, gently pressing down on his forearm.

“You’ve picked up my bad habits.”

Gwil gently clears his throat. “It’s really quite comforting,” he says.

“I know.” Ben smiles faintly. “Why do you think I do it?” He slides his hand down Gwil’s arm, taking his hand. “Do you want to talk about it? We don’t have to. We can just sit.” He inhales, making a soft sound. “We do have to talk about it eventually, though. Because I have no problem if you want to go to work. If you want that, I want that too. But if I— if you go back to work and hate yourself and have a panic attack every day, it’s going to crush me. So I need to be sure that it’s what you really want to do, and not just something you think you _have_ to do.”

Gwil makes a soft sound. “I don’t…know why.”

“Why what?”

“Why I want to _work_ ,” Gwil says. “Certainly, I want to be busy. I want to be out of the house and have things to do. Honestly, it can be quite lonely during the day when you’re not around.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben says.

“No, heavens, don’t be,” Gwil says. “I love that you work and I’m proud of you for it. But I don’t really have anything to fill my time. I could volunteer with them. I’d— that doesn’t feel so terrifying. But, I really…maybe it’s just because I’m so traditional? I don't know. I was raised to think people my age should work. I should have a paying job. And, well— I know I have money now but it won’t last forever. We can’t survive on me volunteering.”

“I don't think we’re…at risk,” Ben says. “And I wish you wouldn’t get caught up so much on _should_. What _should_? You’re different from— well, almost everyone. There’s no schedule for…this.”

“The schedule is part of what scares me,” Gwil says. “Knowing that they— I’ve been fairly free, for a long time. Knowing that I need to be in Stirling, this day, this time…it feels suffocating.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “Maybe you could talk to them about it. I— I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“Neither do I.” Gwil inhales deeply, and his head falls forward. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t like this.”

“Like what?” Ben asks. He rests his hand on Gwil’s back, gently rubbing it. 

“Nothing,” Gwil says. What he really means is…sometimes he wishes this had never happened to him, but he’s not about to say that.

“Is it like when you said you wish our life was more interesting?” Ben asks.

“Hmm?” Gwil looks up. “When did I say that?”

“The other night at dinner,” Ben says.

“I—” Gwil blinks. “Oh, love, is— that why you weren’t hungry?”

“I don’t know,” Ben says. “I wasn’t…I know we’re settled in, we have a house, I work, there’s— I know things might be boring, but—”

“I didn't mean to imply that, love,” Gwil says. “I never— I think life with you is wonderful, it’s just…like I said. I’m not settled into Perth yet like you are. When we moved to Aber, I started painting right away.”

“Are you happy here?” Ben asks.

“Of course I am,” Gwil says. “But I think that’s why I want to push myself and try to get this job. I just want to have something that’s…for me, that I can do. I don’t know. I may be a mess.”

“Maybe,” Ben says softly, and he smiles. “I know I am.”

“I want to try, though,” Gwil says. “The interview, at least.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He kisses Gwil. “You need to do your worksheet, then.”

“Will you help me?” Gwil asks.

“Of course I will,” Ben says. “You know that.” He reaches up, brushing his fingers through Gwil’s hair. “Later on? As you said, I think Rami and Joe are expecting us today.”

“They are,” Gwil says. “And tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “We’ll do it tomorrow night. I’ll take care of you.”

Gwil leans in, kissing him again. “What you said, when I was having a panic attack. About taking the pain.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Ben smiles, and nods. “Of course. I can’t even count how many times you—”

“That’s not the point, though,” Gwil says. “It’s not a trade. I want to thank you, because it was kind.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “You’re right. And you’re welcome. I wish more than anything that it hadn't happened, but— I’ll stop making excuses and just…” He kisses him. “What time are they expecting us?”

“Oh, three days ago,” Gwil says, and Ben groans.

“I feel guilty,” he says.

“Don’t,” Gwil says. “Should we go get ready?” 

“Sure,” Ben says. “Let’s.” He pushes himself up, and then tugs Gwil up with him. 

When Ben drives up to Highpoint, and puts the car in park, they both look up to the sound of someone hollering. 

“God, what’s he on?” Ben asks, watching as Joe grins and eagerly waves at them from the front step.

“Oh, right,” Gwil says. “I forgot to tell you.”

“What?”

“I think Joe’s going a bit stir-crazy,” Gwil says. “He’ll be happy for the company.”

“Well,” Ben says, pushing the door open. “It is always nice to be wanted.”

“Benny!”

Ben grins and hurries over to the porch, opening his arms to Joe. “Hello, mate,” he says. “Feeling alright?”

“God, I miss you,” Joe says, pulling Ben in, squeezing him tightly. 

“It won’t happen again, I promise,” Ben says. “Gwil and I are just— it was a busy week.”

“I heard,” Joe says. “Gwilym! How you doing?”

“Just fine, Joseph,” Gwil says, walking up to the front door. 

“Yeah? Good, come on. Rami’s ordering us lunch—”

“God, we’ll go broke,” Ben says. “We really will.”

“And Sam is wiggling all over the place, it’s a great day in the Malek-Mazzello household.”

“Crawling yet?” Ben asks.

“Benny, if my son was crawling, I would’ve called.” Joe grins at them both. “My son. Sometimes I say it still, and it’s like, ahh. So cool. But no, but soon! I think soon.”

“Maybe for me as a birthday present,” Gwil jokes, and Joe snaps his fingers.

“Right! We gotta plan that out. Come on!”

“He seems very excitable,” Gwil murmurs, looking at Ben.

“That is a man on very little sleep,” Ben says. “We should try to get him to bed, I’m already overwhelmed.”

“Come see the baby wiggle!” Joe calls from the living room, and Ben and Gwil both smile.

“After you, love,” Gwil says, and Ben rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh.

\+ + + + +

“Love?”

Ben looks up from his book, and leans forward so that he can see into the wardrobe. He can’t spot Gwil, though; he must be tucked away in the corner. “Are you alright?”

“Can you come here for a second?”

Ben puts his book down and pushes the blankets off his lap. “Yes, of course,” he says, walking across the room. “Are you okay?”

“I just need your help,” Gwil says. He’s looking at his clothes, hands on his hips. “What do people wear to job interviews?”

Ben smiles. “You saw what I wore, didn’t you? You've got plenty of nice clothes in here.”

“I know,” Gwil says. “But I want you to help. In your professional opinion, and all that.” He turns, wrapping his arm around Ben’s waist. He pulls him in, kissing the top of his head. “You didn’t wear a tie, so I don’t need one, right?”

“Right,” Ben says. “At least, not for this job, I wouldn’t say. Really— most of your clothes are probably appropriate. You just wanted an excuse to cuddle.”

“Do I need one?” Gwil asks. “Were you busy?”

“Not really, no,” Ben says. “And I don’t mind giving you a hand. We have to make sure you look sharp.”

Ben is right, though; most of Gwil’s clothes are appropriate, so it’s not really a matter of having to find the right things, but just picking which colours look best together. Gwil tugs off his t-shirt so he can pull on a couple different button-down shirts, getting Ben’s opinion on which ones makes his eyes look best.

But watching Gwil dress and undress over and over only serves to turn Ben on, and after a few minutes, he grabs Gwil’s hand, tugging him towards the bed.

“Are you feeling alright about tomorrow?” Ben asks, curling against Gwil’s side afterwards. He rests his hand on his chest, gently scratching his fingers through his chest hair. One of his favourite past times.

“I don’t really know how to feel,” Gwil says. “So…alright, yes. I suppose.”

“Not good or bad?” 

“No, I don’t think so,” Gwil says. “I don't know. Maybe they’re just canceling each other out. I am…well, I’m nervous.”

“Yeah, that makes perfect sense,” Ben says. “Everybody’s nervous. I mean, you saw me.”

“I am excited too, though,” Gwil says. “Even if I don’t get the job— which, that…I don’t know what I’ll do if they offer the job to me. But I’m still excited to meet them. They're a charity dedicated to flowers. I hope I’ll have something to talk to them about.”

“Oh!” Ben says, pushing himself up. “I— what if they ask you what your favourite flower is. They might, you know. They asked me what my favourite museum is.”

“Well, I suppose I’d say daffodil,” Gwil says. “Or cabbage flower.” He winks.

“Those aren’t really your favourites, though,” Ben says. “You’re just saying that to flirt with me.”

“I don’t need to flirt with you,” Gwil says. “I’ve already gotten you into bed.”

“Ugh,” Ben says, dropping back down on the bed. “I think they’ll hire you, you know.”

“Do you?”

Ben nods. “They’d be foolish not to. I already know the interview’s going to go well. You’ve got all the charisma, the qualifications, the looks. I bet if they hire you tomorrow, you’ll be running the place in…I’ll say a decade, to be generous.”

“What makes you think I want to run a charity?” Gwil asks.

“Only everything I know about you,” Ben says. He reaches up, rubbing his eyes, stifling a yawn. “But I mean it, about the interview going well.” He looks over at Gwil. “Just be you, okay? Whatever advice Joe gave you about how to answer the questions, I’m sure it’s helpful, but don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Just be honest.”

“Hmm.” 

“What?”

Gwil slowly smiles. “Joe told me to lie.”

“Of course he did.”

“About everything,” Gwil continues, and Ben snorts. “Strengths, weaknesses. I’m not sure he’s qualified to work at the IIS, love. Do you actually have any proof that he studied computer science?”

“I don’t know,” Ben says. “But I’ve heard him talk a lot about stacks, and decks, and insertion sort, so…yeah, I guess so.”

“I don’t know what those mean,” Gwil says.

“ _I_ don’t know what those mean,” Ben says. He grins. “It’s not just you, you know. Trying to catch up on 21st century technology. I know how to use my mobile, use my laptop. How they work? Bloody hell, mate.”

“Chuffed it’s not just me,” Gwil says.

“Of course not.” Ben yawns, rubbing his eyes. “I was reading a lovely book until you distracted me.”

“I still need to pick a shirt,” Gwil says, looking over at the wardrobe.

Ben groans. “No, let me think.” He rolls out of bed, and walks into the wardrobe. He’s in there for maybe a minute, then he goes to the bathroom to clean up. He comes back out, and climbs back into bed. “Alright,” he says. “All set.”

“Picked something out for me?” Gwil asks. 

Ben nods, yawning. “You’ll look good in it, I promise.”

“I look good in everything,” Gwil says, and then he grins.

“Yeah, yeah, bloody handsome,” Ben says.

“Are we going to bed?” Gwil asks.

“I think I’m tired,” Ben murmurs. “You took a lot out of me.”

“Let me just go tidy up,” Gwil says, kissing Ben’s shoulder. “Don’t fall asleep without me.”

“Mm, no promises,” Ben says, rolling onto his side, tugging up the blankets.

“Alright,” Gwil says, and he hurries off towards the bathroom.

\+ + + + +

Gwil turns down Rami and Joe’s offer to accompany him to Stirling; Ben’s as well. He understands their good intentions behind asking. And maybe another day, he would have said yes. But today, he feels good about going alone. He and Ben do go to the train station together, though; Ben checked to make sure he’d packed his worksheet, and a copy of his CV, just in case. And Rami and Joe will be at the station when he gets back to Perth, to take him to lunch.

Ben and Gwil walk into the train station together, and Ben smiles over at Gwil. “You’re going to do really well,” he says. “But even if you don’t, it’s okay.”

“I know,” Gwil says. “Thank you.”

“Just be yourself,” Ben says. “I promise. Don’t— don’t lie, or pretend. Basically, don’t listen to Joe.”

“I don’t know, love,” Gwil says. “He does have a very nice job. Clearly he knows how to interview.”

“You're so good, you just get offered jobs,” Ben says. "Remember that. You’re smart, and kind, and very qualified.”

“Okay.”

“And— even if they do offer you the job,” Ben says, “that doesn’t mean you have to take it. It's an _offer_ , alright? You can take it one step at a time.”

“You mean I shouldn't just say yes immediately without telling you?” Gwil asks with a cheeky grin.

Ben narrows his eyes. “I— that’s different.”

“Is it?”

“Stop it, or you’ll be late,” Ben says, patting Gwil on the arm. “Come on.”

“I’m teasing, love,” Gwil says. “And I’ll actually be quite early.”

“What will you do?” Ben asks.

“Find a coffee, I suppose,” Gwil says. “Perhaps just walk around. Not much. I promise, I won’t be late and I won’t get lost.”

“Okay, good.” Ben leans up to kiss Gwil, then pulls back to smile before kissing him again. “I want you have to have a nice day, alright?”

“I will,” Gwil says.

“And I’ll see you later,” Ben says. “Let me know if you’re still with Rami and Joe later, I’ll come find you.”

“I love you,” Gwil says. 

“I love you too.” Ben looks at the clock. “Now I’ll be late. I have to go. Really, break a leg, I love you. Message me when you're done! I want to know how it goes!”

“Get on your train!” Gwil says, playfully kicking Ben. “You can’t be late, we need the money.”

“Ha ha,” Ben says. “Bye!” He waves behind him, then hurries onto his train.

Gwil watches Ben for a moment, then blows out a shaky breath. Part of him immediately considers, _oh, I could just go home now, tell Ben it went fine, and say I must not have gotten it._ That is a little tempting. But no. He’s a grown man. He went to _space_. There is a planet out there that only twenty people have been on, he’s one of them. He can take the train to Stirling, bloody hell.

It’s less than thirty minutes away, and he spends most of that time with his thumbnail in his mouth, bouncing his knee up and down. God, it’s awful. He’s awful. He gets off the train and looks around, realizing that he still has at least an hour before he has to be at the office. He made sure he checked Google Maps last night so that he had some idea of where he’s going. 

There’s a cafe in the train station, so he gets a coffee to go, and starts walking. He follows the signs in the direction of the castle, though he doesn’t want to get too far away from the office. He’d hate to get lost and show up late, that would be embarrassing. Would it be better to show up late, or realize you were going to show up late and not go at all. Hmm. He walks for probably fifteen minutes, realizing that Stirling is a much more interesting town than he expected. There’s plenty there to see, lovely old buildings and museums. Regardless of whether or not he gets the job, he should come back here. It’d be a lovely way to spend a day.

Gwil turns around, being careful to walk back the way he came. He easily finds the train station again, then he finishes his coffee, and finds the washroom. He washes his hands just to nervously crack his knuckles, and once again he really understands why Ben likes biting his thumb. God, it's tempting. Fucking hell. 

He takes out his mobile, and double checks the route to the office. It says it’s about a ten minute walk, but with his nerves and his long legs, Gwil imagines he could get there in about five if he was trying. But he’s not trying. He doesn't want to show up early, just as much as he doesn’t want to show up late.

The streets all look fairly similar, and it’s a little confusing, but eventually he ends up on a long stretch of road with a large cream-coloured building looming in the distance. He looks at his mobile again, and realizes that’s the office. So he puts his mobile away, and stops where he is to catch his breath. His heart is pounding in his chest and he might have a headache coming on. This is ridiculous. He wasn’t even this nervous when he first went to the BIS office in London. He might actually be trembling. Would this have been better or worse with Rami, Joe, Sami, and Ben tagging along with him?

Worse, definitely worse.

Gwil inhales deeply, slowly breathing out. “You’ve got this, mate,” he murmurs to himself. “Just be yourself. You—” He inhales deeply again. He glances at his watch, biting the inside of his lip as he thinks. “That’s alright.” He rocks back and forth on his feet, then starts walking again. God, he must look a mess. He’d made sure his hair was neat when he’d gone to the washroom, but he feels very sweaty. He wipes his palms on his trousers and smooths out his jacket. He looks at the buildings he passes; most of them look like houses, but then there’s a restaurant, and another sort of business that he can’t figure out what it is. Then there’s the office; a two story mansion that definitely used to be someone’s house. It has large windows, and he can just see someone inside sitting at their desk, so he decides to not hover awkwardly, worried that they can see him too. He walks up to the large door, wondering if he should knock, but— no. How has he lost all common sense? Open the door, that's how offices work.

Gwil pulls open the door, and is immediately hit with how warm the office feels; not literally, though it is nice inside. But there are photos and paintings of flowers and fungi all over the walls, there are fresh flowers on the reception desk and the tables around them. “Hello,” he says, walking over to the woman sitting at the desk. “I have an appointment for ten, I was told to ask for Julia?” He gently clears his throat. “My name is Gwilym Lee.”

“Gwily—” the woman blinks a couple times, then looks at him— _really_ looks at him. “Gwilym Lee,” she echoes. 

Gwil nods. “Yes, that’s me.” He tries not to sound tired by it. He’s really not, but it is still kind of awkward. “I have an interview.”

“Yes, of course,” she says. “If you’d like to take a seat, I’ll let them know you’re here.”

“Thank you so much,” Gwil says. He glances around, and takes a seat by a small table with a bouquet of flowers. He leans in to examine them, spotting the blue forget-me-nots. He smiles, thinking of Ben’s tattoo. He reaches out to gently touch one, then settles comfortably into his seat.

“Gwilym?” a woman asks, stepping out of one of the offices.

“Yes, hi,” Gwil says, standing up. “It’s really just Gwil, that’s fine.”

“I’m Julia,” she says, extending her hand to him. “And…well, it’s really just Julia.” She grins, and glances behind her. “The boardroom is just back here, if you’ll follow me. Did you find everything alright?”

“Yes, it’s my first time coming to Stirling,” Gwil says, following her down the hall. “But it’s absolutely lovely.” He glances back at the bouquet, and the forget-me-nots. He’ll be alright.

\+ + + + +

“So?”

“Babe, come on, let him get off the train first at least, geesh.” Gwil smiles at Joe, and Joe winks. “But seriously,” Joe says. “How did it go?”

“Heavens,” Gwil says, stepping off the train. He opens his arms, and laughs as Rami practically bounces right into them. “I think it went…well,” he says.

“Why _well_?” Rami asks. “What happened? Can you say?”

“Babe,” Joe says again, reaching his hand out to Rami’s shoulder. “Come on, big guy. Are you hungry?”

“Yes, lunch would be lovely,” Gwil says as they start to walk towards the exit. He looks down at Sami in his car seat, waving at him. “Hello, hi. Did you miss me?”

“He always misses Uncle Gwil,” Rami says. “He’s doing well.”

“Gosh, I just saw him and he still looks bigger all the time,” Gwil says. 

“What are you in the mood to eat?” Joe asks. “Should we drive, can we walk?”

“China China is only five minutes,” Rami says. “Can we go there?” He looks at Gwil. “I suppose I should be asking _you_ , since it’s your celebratory lunch.”

“Sure,” Gwil says. “I don’t mind. And I don’t know how celebratory it is. But it’s…”

“Do you feel good?” Joe asks. “Just in general?”

Gwil thinks for a moment, and then nods. “I did it,” he says. “I applied, and I went to Stirling, and I met them.”

“It’s really lovely of you,” Rami says. “We’re certainly proud.”

“Absolutely,” Joe says. “Have you talked to Ben?”

Gwil nods. “I rang him from the train. He’s excited too.”

“I really want to know what it was like,” Rami says. “Who was there?”

“Julia, the CEO’s assistant,” Gwil says. “She’s the one I spoke to on the phone. Elizabeth, who would be my supervisor. And then Aamir, who works in human resources.”

“That’s so many,” Rami says. “And what did you talk about?”

“Well, I think there were the usual questions,” Gwil says. He smiles at Joe. “Strengths, weaknesses.”

“Think of a situation in which you had to prioritize different projects?” Joe asks. “I hate that one.”

“But they also asked me about…me,” Gwil says. “And— well, you too, honestly. We talked about the Mercury, and what it’s been like coming back. What sorts of things I’ve been doing. We talked about the job, and flowers, and…I don’t know if they actually asked enough things to know whether or not I can do the job, but— it went alright. It was a nice conversation.”

“Oh, good,” Rami says. “I’m really hopeful.”

“Thank you,” Gwil says. “I—” He makes a soft sound.

“Are _you_ hopeful?” Rami asks. “Do you want the job?”

“I’m not sure,” Gwil says. “I— I think so. But the idea of it still makes me very nervous.”

“I understand,” Rami says, and he hooks his arm around Gwil’s, pulling him in. “We can talk about that.”

They get to the restaurant, get settled in with the menu and their drinks, and then Joe looks over at Gwil. “Did you thank them?”

“Well, of course,” Gwil says. “At the interview.”

“No, after,” Joe says. “Sometimes you should send a short email just to say _thanks, hope to hear from you_.”

“Oh, should I?” Gwil looks at Rami. “Should I now?”

“Sure,” Rami says. “We won’t be offended if you take out your mobile.”

“Okay.” 

“I’ll help,” Joe says, leaning in towards Gwil. 

Gwil unlocks his mobile and opens his email, then his eyes widen. “They— I’ve got an email from them.”

“From who?” Rami asks. “Already? Open it, open it, what’s it say?”

“That’s so soon,” Gwil says, looking at Joe. “That’s soon. You said it takes longer than that.”

“It does,” Joe says. “I mean, how long did Ben wait to hear back from his job? What does it say?”

Gwil swallows hard, already feeling a little shaky. “It says…” He opens the email, then clears his throat. “ _Hello Gwilym, we enjoyed meeting with you and were very impressed by your qualifications for the position. We would like to invite you back to the office to meet our CEO, Ian._ ” He clears his throat again. “They want me to go back on Wednesday.”

“Gwil!” Rami exclaims. “Oh my gosh, will you?”

“I…” Gwil bites the inside of his lip, and looks at Joe. “That’s a good sign.”

“It’s a very good sign, big guy,” Joe says. 

“What should I do?” Gwil asks.

“Speak to Ben,” Rami says. “Just to see.”

Gwil looks at the time, thinking that Ben might be on his lunch by now. When he spoke to him earlier, it had just been a short conversation, not that Ben’s supervisors ever really seemed to mind. “Alright,” he says. “I— oh. But it’s rude, we’re at lunch.”

“They’ll want an answer soon, though,” Rami says. “We can tell the waiter to come back.”

“Okay, fine,” Gwil says. He pushes his chair back and hits Ben’s name in his call history as he walks towards the door. It rings a few time, and he’s about to end the call when Ben picks up.

“Oui, allo?”

“Hello, love,” Gwil says. 

“I didn’t expect to hear from you again so soon,” Ben says. “Are you okay? Are you home?”

“I’m out with Rami and Joe for lunch,” Gwil says. “I got an email, though.”

“Already?” 

“Yes,” Gwil says. “They want me to go back in on Wednesday to meet their CEO. He wasn’t at the interview today.”

“Really?” Ben asks. “Oh my gosh, that’s— very quick. Wow. I— that’s a good sign.”

“Joe says so too. Rami said I should respond soon, so I wanted to talk to you.”

“He’s right,” Ben says. It'd be polite. I— well, I don't know, did we talk enough? Was there more you wanted to say?

“I feel like if I meet the CEO, they’re going to offer me the job,” Gwil says.

“They might, yeah. Do you want the job?”

“I don’t know, I thought I’d have more time to decide.”

“You still do,” Ben says. “You don’t have to decide anything about the job. Right now, you’re just deciding if you’re going to go back on Wednesday.” He takes a deep breath. “I can take Wednesday off and go in with you, if you’d like.”

“No, no, please,” Gwil says. “I’d hate to take you away from work like that.”

“I don’t mind,” Ben says. “I’m sure I can leave early, or go in late, I— I really don’t mind.”

“I can’t take my partner to a meeting,” Gwil says.

Ben chuckles. “Well, I didn’t plan on being _in_ the meeting with you. I didn’t take you to my interviews, did I?”

“No, I suppose not,” Gwil says. He sighs, reading up to push his hair back. “I could meet him.”

“You could,” Ben says. “I mean, CEO of a charity for flowers, I expect you two will have a lot in common.”

“We might.”

“Yeah, so it might not be bad,” Ben says. “Because even if you don’t work there, I know you’re going to be donating some money to them.”

“Yes, of course. I really like what they do.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “So go in on Wednesday and tell him just how much you like what they do. And let him decide. And also, aren’t you seeing your doctor again tomorrow?”

“I am, yes.”

“Well, then. She’ll help. I’ll help. Whatever you need.”

Gwil nods, and he hears some noises on the other end of the call. “Are you eating lunch?” he asks, smiling.

“Well, it is lunch time,” Ben says. “You said yourself you’re out with Rami and Joe.”

“I stepped outside though, love.”

“Oh, well, can’t be helped now,” Ben says, crunching into his carrot stick. “Do you need me to help you write the email?”

“I imagine even I can figure out how to say _yes, I’ll see you then_ ,” Gwil says. “See, I just did it.”

“Alright,” Ben says. “Well. If you choose to send that email, I will support you. And if it feels like too much, I’ll support that too. If you want, you can wait until I’m home from work, but that might be too late.”

“Too late to be polite, anyway,” Gwil says. “I… I’ll let you know what I decide. I’ll let you eat your lunch now.”

“Thank you,” Ben says. “Should I meet you at Rami and Joe’s later?”

“Probably,” Gwil says. “But I’ll message you if that changes.”

“Alright, love you, bye.”

“Bye.” Gwil blows a heavy breath, groaning. “I…bloody mess.” He kicks a tiny pebble under his foot and walks back into the restaurant. 

“So?” Joe asks.

Gwil drops down in his seat. He has to curl his hands into fists on his lap because he can feel them starting to shake.

“What did Ben say?” Rami asks. 

“He supports me either way,” Gwil says.

“Well, of course he does,” Rami says. “So do we.”

“He said that I should go meet him anyway, just because I like the work they do.” Gwil looks at his menu, starting to bounce his knee.

“That’s true,” Joe says. “Why not? It never hurts to meet new people…I guess. That’s what my mom says anyway.”

Gwil smiles. “Well, if Ginnie says so…”

“Yeah, god, let me call her up for you,” Joe says. “I’m sure she’ll have something super uplifting and positive to say.”

“Mostly about how handsome he is,” Rami says.

“Yeah, that too.” Joe nudges Gwil. “Just, you know, to offer again. We can go with you. Or we can pick you up after, whatever you want.”

“Thank you,” Gwil says. “I appreciate that.” He picks up his mobile, unlocking it. Then he puts it back down on the table, looking at it. “Sorry, did you order?” he asks, looking up.

“We told the server to come back,” Rami says. “You have maybe a minute.”

“Just whatever’s fine,” Gwil says. “Same as Joe.”

“We also want a couple starters,” Joe says.

“Yeah, brilliant,” Gwil says. He can’t think about food right now. He sits back in his chair, staring at his mobile. “It’s terrible, isn’t it.”

“What’s that?” Rami asks.

“Since we got back— well…since you started back at uni, anyway, I was upset that I hadn’t done more.” Gwil shifts in his seat. “I felt like…I was behind. I wanted to work. I said, once Ben has a job, once we’re settled, I’ll start working too. And now that I can, someone— I’m too scared to do it.”

“New things are always scary,” Rami says. “But I know you well enough to know that after a few days of getting settled, you’ll be brilliant. There isn’t a job on this planet that you couldn’t do.”

“Yeah, that’s why you had to go to space,” Joe says. “Find a challenge.” The server walks over to them, and Joe and Rami order; Joe just says that Gwil will have the same as him, and the server walks away with a nod. “I mean, you’re not alone in that,” Joe says, looking back at Gwil. “Rami’s right, new things are weird. You realize that I moved to London from New York to work with the IIS, right? Like, and you think I was just okay with that? Not even a little. I freaked out. And that had nothing to do with me…I…what I’m saying is, yes, I get that you’re in a unique situation. But I don’t think your nerves are just tied to that. I think it’s what everybody goes through. And I think it will happen no matter where you apply. It’s freaky. But like—” Sami starts whining, and Joe glances over at him. “Sami, Daddy’s trying to give a pep talk here.”

“Let me,” Rami says, and he pushes himself up so that he can unbuckle Sami and lift him from his seat. “What’s going on, habibi? Are you okay, are you hungry? Or just fussy.” He kisses Sami’s head over and over, smiling.

Joe watches Rami and Sami for a few moments, making sure that Sami’s okay, then he looks back at Gwil. “I just mean, you did really well at the library, volunteering. Would it really have been any different if they had paid you, versus doing it for free?”

“If I’m getting paid they can tell me exactly when I need to be somewhere,” Gwil says.

“Yeah, that sucks,” Joe says. “You would be giving up your some of your freedom, I know that. Big change.”

“Rami?” Gwil asks, looking at him.

“Well, I think you should meet him," Rami says. “You’re not risking anything. It’s going to be a lot easier to take a job and then leave if you don’t like it, then not take it and try to get hired there later when you regret it.”

“Also a good point,” Joe says. “Just— go! And talk to him. And if he hires you, why not take it? If you don’t like it, if it’s too much, you can quit. It’s not a forever thing, you know.”

Gwil makes a soft sound. “Ben said the same thing,” he says. “It’s…” He blinks, thinking. “I can quit.”

“Yes, exactly,” Rami says. “If you don’t like it, why stay?”

“I feel like this probably isn’t the lesson we should teach Sami,” Joe says. “But like…yes to giving up on things! Yes to quitting!”

Gwil laughs, leaning back in his seat. “Yes to quitting?” he echoes. “I— that’s different.”

“Yeah, our generation’s all gone soft,” Joe says. “Don’t worry about it, you’ll fit right in.”

“You should meet him,” Rami says. “Unless— well, if you didn’t like what you heard today, then no, you shouldn’t. But if it sounded alright…you should meet him.”

“I should meet him,” Gwil says. “I— I can meet him. I like meeting people.”

“So weird,” Joe mutters, shaking his head.

“Alright,” Gwil says, picking up his mobile. He goes back to his email, and types out a quick response, saying yes, he’ll be there Wednesday. He then types a quick message to Ben, letting him know he said yes. He sets his mobile down, then sits back, realizing he actually is hungry. “Wait, what did we order to eat?” he asks suddenly, and Joe laughs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each chapter was only supposed to be one month, but Gwil's job search took on a life of its own so November will have a second part (no word yet on December, so no updated chapter count). I know that there's not a lot of Joe and Rami in this chapter, it is very much Gwil's story here, but hopefully that makes sense for now. Of course they'll have have more moments and stories to come in the other chapters, no one will be forgotten in the end!
> 
> The charity is a real charity in the UK that I actually learned about from an earlier season of The Great British Bake Off that I was rewatching. Once I heard it, I was like, oh, Gwil!
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well, and is safe, and looking forward to spring! Take care, my friends! <3


End file.
